Mental health is becoming a serious issue among young people. Why is this happening?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
There is no doubt that mental health issues have become increasingly common among young people.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
. Nowadays, one of the biggest issues that young people
suffering
Verb problem
are suffering
show examples
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
mental health problems, which has become very common.
Therefore
Linking Words
, social media platforms mainly affect the mind, it has a negative impact on people's mental well-being, and they can cause addiction , especially among teenagers and children. They spend plenty of time just scrolling on these sites. When they feel frustrated with something, they immediately watch motivational videos, which gives them temporary motivation, and
then
Linking Words
they are shocked by reality.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
affects their studying and academic performance.
For example
Linking Words
, they start to use artificial intelligence for their assignment which reduces their innovation and creativity and
as a result
Linking Words
, it can contribute to mental health problems.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we cannot deny that unhealthy food plays an important role these days, placing orders is much easier than before, and plenty of applications that help the world to place fast food orders.
Moreover
Linking Words
, you can find a lot of discounts every single day and these offers push individuals to eat ready meals
instead
Linking Words
of cooking healthy food at home, which causes obesity among young commune , plenty of studies have indicated most bodies how have an unhealthy lifestyle they have depression and consistent anxiety during lifetime,
while
Linking Words
most successful individuals and businessmen have a healthy lifestyle and play sports every day
such
Linking Words
as go to the gym, play tennis, basketball, and basically they do not spend much time on these platforms.
Last
Linking Words
but not least, parents should stop their children using the smartphone in Yonge age , especially if they have social media, but they have to encourage them to play sports and have a fit body.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the why question more directly. Say clearly why young people have more mental health problems.
task response
Give 2 or 3 main reasons only, and explain each one more fully.
task response
Use examples that match the main idea. Some parts about AI and successful business people feel not fully linked.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Some long sentences join too many ideas and are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and sentence form, because some parts stop the flow of the essay.
task response
You answer the topic and give more than one reason.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear start, middle, and end.
task response
You use examples from daily life, like social media and fast food.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • beneficial
  • health
  • busy
  • lifestyle
  • schedules
  • commitments
  • convenience
  • transport
  • indoor
  • activities
  • outdoor
  • planning
  • cities
  • safe
  • appealing
  • reduce
  • walking paths
  • short distances
  • technology
  • games
  • parks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: