IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Around the world, children learn English as a second language at school. However, in some places, they also learn at kindergarten (pre-school care, when children are aged two to five). Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of learning English at kindergarten.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
There has been a controversial issue
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 or not
attending
Wrong verb form
to attend
show examples
English
Use synonyms
 kindergarten from a very young
Use synonyms
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 numerous people claim that it may result
negative
Change preposition
in negative
show examples
affect
Check wording
effects
show examples
 to individuals, others argue that learning
forein languae
Correct your spelling
foreign languages
 from a young
Use synonyms
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 comes intensive strong
point
Check wording
advantage
show examples
 to them.
One
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the
on
Correct determiner usage
one
show examples
 hand, many opponents say that exposure at a very young
ages
Use synonyms
 make them laguage confusion.
In other words
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 infant
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 still
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 stage of brain
developement
Correct your spelling
development
, which means they can not accept two languages at a time.
In addition
Linking Words
,
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 of them even experience of confusing which language is
mother
Correct determiner usage
their mother
show examples
 tongue.
As a result
Linking Words
, they often
speaking
Wrong verb form
speak
show examples
 words with
mixture
Correct article usage
a mixture
show examples
 of both languages, making
them hard
Correct word order
it hard for them
show examples
 to get
along with
Linking Words
 many friends.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a lot of proponents claim that attending a Englsih kindergarten helps children learring foreign language more effectively in the long run. To be more specific, the kids who
educated
Verb problem
are educated
show examples
Use synonyms
English
Change preposition
in English
show examples
 at a young
Use synonyms
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 may become significantly
flent
Correct your spelling
fluent
 in
English
Use synonyms
 when they
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
grow up. Indeed, not only
they
Verb problem
do they
show examples
 have
more
Correct word choice
a better
show examples
 chance to speak
accurate
Change preposition
with an accurate
show examples
 accent and
also
Linking Words
 less gammer mistakes.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they
already
Verb problem
are already
show examples
 familiar with
speak
Wrong verb form
speaking
show examples
 like
natural
Correct article usage
a natural
show examples
 speaker.
Therefore
Linking Words
, lots of parents want to admit their children to
English
Use synonyms
 Kindergarten at a very young
ages
Use synonyms
nevertheless
Linking Words
 of
excessive
Correct word choice
high
show examples
 costs. In conclusion, it is true that
admiting
Verb problem
admitting
show examples
 very young people to
second
Correct article usage
a second
show examples
 language may result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 confusion of
languistic
Correct your spelling
linguistic
 expression.
However
Linking Words
, it
id evient
Correct your spelling
is evident
 that
although
Linking Words
 there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 little caos to young
learers
Check wording
learners
show examples
, I would firmly argue that the exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
English
Use synonyms
 from a child could
learning
Wrong verb form
help them learn
show examples
 it more
effective
Replace the word
effectively
 and
also
Linking Words
 reduce
reluctance
Correct determiner usage
their reluctance
show examples
 about accepting
English
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides in a more full way. You talk about good and bad points, but each side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Add one clear example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Make your opinion very clear from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer order in some sentences. A few ideas are hard to follow because the grammar breaks the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph, then explain it before you move to the next point.
task response
You discuss both advantages and disadvantages, so you address the main task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing to separate the two sides of the topic.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: