IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents think that child care centres provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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Some
parents
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 are of the opinion that
care
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centres
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 provide
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 services for children of pre-school age over family members,
while
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parents
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 of the working class believe
otherwise
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.
Child
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care
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centres
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 have the advantage of housing other pre-schoolers and usually children of
around
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apply
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a similar age bracket.
This
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 is excellent for developing a
child
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's social skills, independence and sense of self.
In addition
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, these
child
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care
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 services probably coach the kids the same material (for
child
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care
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centres
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 that offer educational
priviledges
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privileges
), enhancing early cognitive and verbal development.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
,
child
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care
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centres
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 enable the parent to be more productive at the workplace, knowing their
child
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 is not neglected, or at the very least occupied constructively. The working
parents
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 who prefer family members
such
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 as grandparents
perharps
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perhaps
 perceive that it is relatively safer to have the
child
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 at
home
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 and within the eyesight of trusted guardians.
Moreover
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, in the
home
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, special and adequate attention can be paid to a
child
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's needs
as well as
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 his character development. Early conditioning & assimilation of family values, virtues and qualities can be impacted
while
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 at
home
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, and the chances of a toddler picking up distasteful qualities from his peers
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 largely reduced. In my perspective,
however
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,
child
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care
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centres
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 take the medal. Family members are usually generally alike and share the same
principle
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principles
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/ideologies. They are likely to influence the mind of a young
child
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 with bias and prejudice, as opposed to learning outside of the
home
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 and observing unfamiliar encounters.
Finally
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,
child
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care
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centres
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 give children a head start in adapting to an educational /social setting
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is usually the most difficult period for both pre-school kids and their
parents
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.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Your first body part is a bit stronger than the second one.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your main ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the introduction and keep the same line to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'in conclusion' to make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need more explanation. For example, say how care centres help learning, or how grandparents build values.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid some unclear phrases and symbols like '&' and 'principle/ideologies'. Write them in full and in a simpler way.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan: one intro, two body parts, and one ending.
coherence and cohesion
Most main ideas are easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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