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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some parents give their children everything or accept whatever their children want to do. Is this good for the children? What could be the consequences for these children when they grow up? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is argued that some
parents
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 give their
children
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 everything they want and allow them to do whatever they like. Others believe that
this
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 approach may lead to bad consequences for
children
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 when they grow up, and it can
normally
Rephrase
apply
show examples
lead to detrimental effects on a child's development.
This
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 essay will argue that
although
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 rooted in good intentions, excessive indulgence ultimately prevents
children
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 from maturing into self-sufficient adults. It is bad for the
children
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's development
due to
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 their
parents
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' over-indulgence and permissive parenting. The first thing is that over-indulgence can make
children
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 believe that they will always get what they want without making any effort. It leads to
children
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 who are used to getting everything they want may throw tantrums whenever their
parents
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 say no.
For example
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, there are many short videos capturing
children
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 yelling and rolling around on the ground when they do not get what they want. And
then
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 they always get what they want.
Moreover
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, with permissive parenting,
children
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 will not have boundaries and face severe consequences for their personal development. A lack of discipline during childhood may have severe effects on future success. When they grow up, they may find it difficult to deal with rejection in life,
such
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 as being turned down for a job.
For instance
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, many
this
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 kind of adults in their 30s or 40s return to their childhood homes after failing job interviews. They completely give up trying and live off their
parents
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 for the rest of their lives. Spoiled
children
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 may suffer from low resilience when they encounter challenges later in life. In conclusion, giving
children
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 everything they want can cause severe damage to their independence and sense of responsibility.
Parents
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 should set reasonable boundaries and encourage responsibility so that their
children
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 can become independent and resilient adults.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Say more clearly why this is bad for children, and what happens when they are adults.
task response
Give one or two more clear examples. Your video example is real, but it feels general. A more direct life example would be stronger.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Some points are good, but they end too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas smoother. Some sentences feel separate, not fully joined.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid informal linking like 'And then'. Use simple formal links like 'As a result' or 'For this reason'.
task response
You answer the question and keep your ideas on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and present.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph plan.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • indulgence
  • overindulgence
  • leniency
  • emotional resilience
  • rejection
  • entitlement
  • realistic expectations
  • self-regulated behavior
  • egocentric
  • financial management
  • professional relationships
  • collaboratively
  • criticism
  • appreciation
  • value
  • effort
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