Some people believe that social media has a negative impact on individual's lives and society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, the issue of social
media
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has become
matter
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a matter
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of debate .
some
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Some
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people
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believe that social
media
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has
negative
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a negative
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imbact
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impact
.
in
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In
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my opinion i fully agree with
this
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idea .
in
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In
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this
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assay i will explain the reason
way
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apply
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.
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on
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On
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the other
hand
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hand,
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people
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may argue that social
media
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has
positive
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a positive
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imact has some merit .
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this
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This
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is because they think it
bring
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brings
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people
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closer by making them share their daily
activty
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activity
and constant
conection
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connection
with others
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such
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, such
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as family and friends. as result that can lead to better social
commencation
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communication
.
therefore
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this
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point of view can not be fully ignored.
but
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But
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on
other
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the other
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hand i believe the negative imapact in more
concern
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concerning
.
and
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And
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the main reason is that
people
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mostly depend on it and forget that they have to meet
other
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others
and commencuate and we can see that clearly in teenagers .
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for
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For
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instance
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instance,
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my sister
she
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apply
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is 15
and
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, and
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she can not order food by herself
due to
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social anxiety .
whitch
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which
strongly
support
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supports
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my opinion.
in
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In
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conclusion,
although
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there are some arguments on both sides.
i
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I
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believe that
the
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apply
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social
media
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has
much
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a much
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more negative impact than
posative
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positive
. mainly
due to
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the social isolation.
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therefore
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Therefore
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, my view
remain
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remains
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firm on
this
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matter.

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task response
Answer the full question more clearly. Say why social media is bad for people and for society.
task response
Add one more clear idea about society as a whole, not only one person or teens.
task response
Explain each main idea more. Give a short reason and then an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear paragraph plan: intro, one side, your side, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Use words like First, Also, However, For example, In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence follows the last one. Some parts now jump too fast.
task response
You give a clear opinion: you fully agree.
task response
You include one personal example about your sister.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are grouped into paragraphs.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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