IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People buy good products that work, therefore, advertising is unnecessary and is no more than a form of entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It had been observed that the population
purchase
Wrong verb form
purchased
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 the products.
As a result
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, they say there is no need for advertising. From my perspective, I disagree with
this
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 because advertising is a key part of modern business, and it will be analysed in the following essay.
Firstly
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, advertising creates a demand for products. If some companies have
apply
Wrong verb form
applied
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 new or safe ingredients, they would tell their customers about it and aim to persuade people that buying
theirbrand
Correct your spelling
their brand
 will make them happier.
Moreover
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, to inform us about the choices we have.
For example
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, we have an elderly, younger,and infant community. Every one of them has their own needs, whether it is a medicine, lifestyle,or formulas . So, here comes the benefit of marketing, which will help them to know before buying and
waste
Verb problem
save
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 their money.
Secondly
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, society enjoys adverts, especially if they use glamorous and successful persons as a poster or brochure to market a brand.
In addition
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, those successful people would speed up the process of buying products because of their influence on the public. Let's say a teenage boy wants to get a new
new
Remove the redundancy
apply
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pair of sunglasses, and he sees his favourite influencer's adverts about a brand of sunglasses, and wear it everywhere.
Therefore
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, that
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertisement
 would
affect directly for teenager boy
Correct word order
directly affect teenage boys
show examples
 to purchase the same brand.
To conclude
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, I personally believe that advertising has a positive impact and is a form of modern art for nations around the world, and it is required in free market economics.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how far you disagree, and keep this clear in all parts.
task response
Add one more clear idea about why ads are needed, not only that people enjoy them.
task response
Use examples with more detail so your points feel more real and strong.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one clear main idea, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences stop too fast or do not connect well to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. In paragraph 2, the idea moves from need for products to age groups, and this can be clearer.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear intro, two body parts, and a clear end.
task response
Your essay stays on the topic of advertising from start to end.
task response
You use an example about a teenage boy, which helps show your point.
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