IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works of art by using a computer. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In my opinion, I disagree about searching for some historical staff as objects from the past or masterpieces of
artist
Check wording
artists
show examples
, who became famous because of their pictures, sculptures or something else,
instead
Linking Words
 of see
this
Linking Words
 wonders of life in reality. What do I mean? Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 are using gadgets almost everywhere and every time, because they can study with them, or see something that they don’t want to see in real life, because they have a
saying
Punctuation problem
saying,
show examples
 “it’s just a waste of time”. First of all, society’s laziness is growing bigger and bigger, so if they want to find out something, they just search it on Google, YouTube or other social media.
Also
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 could be a little worried about their money, because tickets for museums, galleries, theatres or historical archives are worth money. Especially some of these places are overpriced, because
they’re having
Wrong verb form
they have
show examples
real masterpieces of art, which can’t be copied by someone else. I’ve had a story from my personal life, when I was walking with my mother in Italy to see the real art of Italy, but when we arrived, we found out that the tickets were too expensive. Unfortunately, we didn’t visit
this
Linking Words
 overpriced gallery. That’s why
people
Use synonyms
 just search it in Internet
instead
Linking Words
. Second of all, some
people
Use synonyms
 are not available to arrive at some cultural places, because they’re living in countries
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 where
people
Use synonyms
 usually don’t have enough money or documents to move to other countries and see the art with their own eyes. I used to live in Ukraine, and we were having
this
Linking Words
 kind of places, but they were overpriced, and probably stayed the same during all
this
Linking Words
 time. Shortly,
people
Use synonyms
 don’t visit theatres, galleries or museums for two reasons
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 laziness and not having the time to visit or arrive there at least.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main view very clear in the first part. Say you disagree, and say why in one short line.
task response
Answer all parts of the topic. You talk about why people use a computer, but you need to say more about why museums and galleries are still needed.
task response
Use ideas that fit your view. If you disagree, add points about seeing real art, the feeling of the place, and learning more in person.
task response
Give examples that directly help your main point. Your Italy story is good, but explain how it supports your answer more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words in the right way: First, Second, For example, Because of this, In short.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines are hard to follow because the meaning changes in one sentence. Write shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Your last part is too short and does not fully end the essay. Write a clear end that repeats your view and main reasons.
task response
You give a clear side: you disagree.
task response
You use a real life example about Italy, which helps make the essay more personal.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic shape: start, two body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use some link words like First of all and Second of all.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • virtual
  • digital
  • online
  • accessibility
  • inclusivity
  • cultural heritage
  • physical experience
  • immersion
  • local tourism
  • economy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: