Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Many
kids
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allocate a significant portion of their daily time towards the use of personal electronic devices.
This
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is largely
due to
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the fact that many smartphone softwares are designed to provide addictive entertainment for the younger generation.
Furthermore
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, busy parents are likely to gift
smartphones
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to their offspring in order to keep them occupied. I strongly believe
this
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to be a negative
development
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that deteriorates a child's emotional and physical health. In the contemporary era, many corporations develop applications designed to keep the younger demographic occupied.
As a result
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, employed guardians see
smartphones
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as a convenient tool to keep their
kids
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company when they are not available to do so themselves.
While
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it is undeniable that the
assitance
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assistance
of smart devices is helpful for parents in many cases, it is important to
recognize
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recognise
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that the encouragement of a consistent use of
smartphones
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has a range of negative effects on developing youngsters.
Due to
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the excessive use of technological devices, many
under aged
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underage
individuals
prioritize
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prioritise
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spending time on their
phone
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phones
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rather than playing outside.
Consequently
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,
kids
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do not get a sufficient amount of daily interactions with their peers required to properly shape their social skills as adults.
Therefore
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, the lack of communication skills could potentially not only negatively
affects
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affect
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a minor's long-term
development
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, but
also
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hurt their ability to navigate their place in society as adults.
Furthermore
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, the excessive
prioritization
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prioritisation
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of time spent
in-doors
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indoors
rather than outside results in
a fewer
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less
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physical activity. A consistent lack of movement is often linked to complications in an individual's health.
For instance
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, a child refusing to step outside in
favor
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favour
show examples
of playing on his phone will not
recieve
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receive
the
excercise
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exercise
required for his age, which poses a major threat
for
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to
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the
development
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of his well-being.
To conclude
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, parents choosing
smartphones
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as a means to keep their youngsters busy is the root cause of higher screentime rates in the
under aged
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underage
demographic.
This
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is an adverse phenomenon
due to
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the harmful impact it has on the healthy
development
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of many
kids
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in both physical and mental aspects.

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task response
Answer both questions in a more direct way. Say clearly why children use phones so much, and why this is bad.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your main ideas. This will make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main paragraph focused on one main idea. This helps the reader follow your thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some are good, but too many long phrases can make the flow less smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects clearly to the one before it. A few parts feel a bit long and heavy.
task response
You answered the topic and gave a clear opinion that it is a negative development.
task response
Your ideas are mostly clear and relevant to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use cause and effect well in several parts of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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