IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries paying for things using mobile phones (cell phone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages ?

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In modern society, thecnology is become a third arm that we can not live without
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
One
Use synonyms
 of them is mobile phones. Nowadays, the number of
using
Check wording
people using
show examples
 mobile
phones
Check wording
phone
show examples
 apps to pay
is matter
Wrong verb form
matters
show examples
. There are
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plenty of pros and cons, which will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, people use phone to pay
everything
Change preposition
for everything
show examples
 because it is
conveniet
Correct your spelling
convenient
. We are all link our either
debit
Correct article usage
a debit
show examples
card
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or
credit
Correct article usage
a credit
show examples
card
Use synonyms
 via the phone. So, when you need to pay, just
one
Use synonyms
 tap,
then
Linking Words
 you will
all
Verb problem
be all
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 set.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if you have
digital
Correct article usage
a digital
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 watch
such
Linking Words
 as
Apple
Correct article usage
an Apple
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 watch
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or Sumsung watch, it is
also
Linking Words
connect
Wrong verb form
connected
show examples
 with your
card
Use synonyms
, you can use
them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
show examples
 to tap for paying.
Thus
Linking Words
, the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 using the gadget because they are handy
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
campact
Correct your spelling
compact
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 development has drawbacks
also
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
For example
Linking Words
, all devices need
battery
Correct article usage
a battery
show examples
 without
this
Linking Words
.
it
Capitalize the word
It
show examples
 is useless. So, you still need the physical
card
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 for an unexpected circumstance.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in these days the invention is growing
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 fast, it is not everyone that know how to pay via phone
espacially
Punctuation problem
, espacially
show examples
 old generation
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
boomer
Correct article usage
the boomer
show examples
gen
Replace the word
generation
, or gen-x.
Hence
Linking Words
, the shop still has to have
choice
Correct article usage
a choice
show examples
 for
customer
Check wording
customers
show examples
 to choose either
Use synonyms
card
Correct article usage
a card
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or cash. In conclusion
.
Punctuation problem
,
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 some negative sides, developments increasing too fast will
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 the people who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 low technology. But
,
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 friendly application design can solve
this
Linking Words
 problem. The positive sides of it
outweight
Use the right word
outweigh
show examples
 them
with support
Change preposition
in supporting
show examples
 our daily life by using only
one
Use synonyms
 gadget.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. Say early if the good points are more than the bad points, and keep this view all through the essay.
task response
Add one more clear example for each main point. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Some points are good, but they are too short, so the reader wants more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph so the reader can follow your main idea easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Use simple linking words well, like first, also, however, because, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. Some sentences feel cut or not fully linked to the next sentence.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and talk about good points and bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are easy to see: mobile payment is easy, but battery and older people can be a problem.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Mobile payments
  • Biometric authentication
  • Transaction costs
  • Budgeting
  • Technological barriers
  • Privacy concerns
  • Data breaches
  • Identity theft
  • Over-reliance
  • Market fragmentation
  • Competing payment apps
  • Financial inclusion
  • Security features
  • User convenience
  • Cashless transactions
  • Digital wallet
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