Some people say that when deciding taxes, the government should prioritize health care. Others think that there are more important priorities for tax-payers' money. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There is an ongoing debate regarding how governments should allocate taxpayer
money
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. Some people believe that prioritising health care is beneficial for society.
While
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others argue that allocating taxpayers’
money
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to other sectors may have negative consequences.
Therefore
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, before giving my own opinion . I would like to discuss
both
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perspectives. Examining the former opinion , the primary argument supporter would put forward is that
healthcare
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plays a crucial role in improving public well-being.
This
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is because a healthy population is more productive and can contribute more effectively to economic development.
In addition
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, proponents
also
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believe that investing in
healthcare
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can reduce the burden on families and society. The reason is that early treatment and preventive care help prevent serious illnesses, thereby lowering long-term medical costs.
Furthermore
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,
this
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can ease pressure on
both
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families and the
healthcare
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system.
For example
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, regular health check-ups can detect diseases at an early stage, reducing the need for expensive treatments later in life.
On the contrary
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, those in favour of the latter opinion have their own arguments.
To begin
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with, they claim that transportation systems should receive more funding from taxpayers’
money
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. Another important point to highlight is that an efficient transport network improves connectivity and supports economic growth.
Moreover
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, supporters
also
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argue that investing in infrastructure can enhance citizens’ quality of life. The reason is that better roads and public transport reduce traffic congestion, shorten commuting time, and lower air pollution.
To conclude
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, there are convincing arguments
both
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for and against prioritising
healthcare
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when allocating taxpayers'
money
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.
However
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, I personally believe that governments should invest equally in
healthcare
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and other essential sectors, provided that sufficient funding is allocated to meet the basic needs of each area. In
this
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way, a country can promote
both
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public well-being and long-term economic development.

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task response
Task response: You discuss both sides and give your view, so the essay answers the question. To get a higher score, explain your own view more fully in the last body part, not only in the end.
task response
Task response: Some ideas are clear, but a few lines are too general. Add one more clear reason or result for each side.
task response
Task response: Your example about health checks is relevant. Try to add a small real example for the other side too.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, one side, other side, end. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some linking words are used well, but there is some repeat, like 'The reason is' and 'Moreover'. Use a wider mix or make some links shorter.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: A few sentences are not smooth, for example the line about other sectors having negative consequences. Check if each sentence matches your main point exactly.
task response
You answer all parts of the task: both views and your own opinion.
task response
Your health care example is clear and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph stays mainly on one main idea, so the essay is easy to follow.
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