Many children today are overweight. This is a serious health problem. Give reasons for child obesity and give solutions to fix this problem.

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The world is different today , especially the way
children
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eat . Many
children
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suffer serious health problems. A big reason for
this
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is being overweight .
This
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essay will examine the reasons for
child
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obesity
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,
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apply
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and provide solutions to fix
this
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problem . On the one hand, there are numerous reasons for
child
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obesity
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.
First,
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fast
food
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is the biggest reason for
this
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health issue. There are many locations for fast
food
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restaurants. The
food
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tastes delicious and is not expensive, but high in calories.
Second,
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many
children
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do not exercise today .
This
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lack of movement increases the weight.
Children
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spend an unlimited number of hours watching TV and
video
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playing video
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games,
instead
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of being physically active.
Finally
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, sugar and sweets can cause serious diseases .They can be bought everywhere, and they are addictive.
On the other hand
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, there are many solutions for
child
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obesity
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.
First,
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children
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must change their diet. Eating proper
food
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is healthier. Consuming more fruits and vegetables is an improvement over fast
food
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.
Second,
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exercise is important for a
child
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. By exercising more, the weight of
children
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will decrease. Exercise can make a
child
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more athletic.
Finally
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, removing sugar and sweets can save
children
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from serious diseases . Parents should control how much sugar and chocolate their
children
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should
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apply
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eat. Snacks could be healthier,
such
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as grapes and cheese. In conclusion, it is clear to see that
child
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obesity
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is the result of many reasons.
However
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, there are multiple solutions to help these young people with
this
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serious health issue.

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task response
Answer both parts with a little more depth. You give reasons and solutions, but some ideas are short.
task response
Add one or two more clear examples, like school meals, sport clubs, or parent rules.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain how fast food, screen time, and sugar lead to weight gain in a fuller way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraphs. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care and range. You use First, Second, and Finally well, but you can also use words like because, so, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are a bit repetitive. Try to join short ideas into one clear sentence.
task response
You answer the full question: reasons and solutions are both included.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay moves in a logical order from problem to solution.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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