Many parents today put pressure on their children to achieve great marks at school. Give the reasons why parents do this and do you think that this is a positive or negative development

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In the Contemporary era,
Parents
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have excessive
pressure
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on their children to be the most successful individuals at school. I partially agree with
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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tendency that has placed an intensive expectation on the child.
This
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essay will give the reasons why
parents
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do
this
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,
along with
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the positive and negative ideas that support my point of view. On the one hand, there are common reasons responsible for
such
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intense
pressure
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. One primary reason for social comparison
.
Verb problem
is
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This
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plays a vital role in society, where
parents
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feel judged based on their children’s achievements , which requires motivating them for high marks and performance.
Second,
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fathers and mothers often believe that developing discipline in their academic path is a key to securing a top-qualified job and earning a massive amount of money.
In addition
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, some fathers expecting his son and daughter will accomplish what they couldn’t do and now see their children as a chance to achieve those long-held aspirations.
Accordingly
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, the privileges of that
pressure
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are that sometimes the children become more resilient and determined.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, excessive
pressure
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can harm the brain and erode trust.
For example
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, a recent scientific study found that mental health issues and persistent anxiety are linked to parental expectations.
Moreover
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, when success is defined by grades, creativity will be reduced and affect the quality of the work , which is equally important for a fulfilling life. In conclusion, it is clear to see that constant
pressure
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can be productive or lead to a harmful situation.
Therefore
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, I believe that
parents
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should focus on the enjoyment of learning and supporting their academic development.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Give clear reasons why parents do this, and clearly say if it is more positive or more negative.
task response
Your main idea is clear, but some points are too short. Add one more sentence to explain each main point.
task response
Use one clear example and explain how it supports your idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good start and end, but some ideas do not link smoothly. Use simple link words like 'first', 'also', 'for example', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences clearer at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in one paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task response
You answered the topic and gave reasons for parents' pressure.
task response
You included both good and bad sides, which shows balanced thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used well, like 'On the one hand' and 'In conclusion'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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