IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You have recently made a purchase from the local department store. However, when you arrived home, you found a fault awith it. Write a letter to the manager, say what product is, explain the problem and say what you’d like to be done about it.

#purchase #department #store #home #fault #awith #manager #product #you’d
Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing regarding a gadget I purchased yesterday on the 22nd of November from Star Departmental Store, located in Sheridan College Plaza Brampton which I found defective when I tried it at home. It is a Samsung Note 3 charger, white in colour and it is worth 250 dollars. Even though,
according to
 the description, the charging speed is 10 times faster than any charger of other companies.
Moreover
, It was working uninterruptedly at the Departmental store but when I used it for more than 5 minutes it frequently disconnected. At one point, I thought, the problem might be in my phone.
Therefore
, I tried another Android cell phone and found a similar result. Since it is not worth it, I would request you to either replace it or fix it as soon as possible because I am the only one who uses a Samsung mobile in my residence. I hope you will consider my request and come up with positive feedback. Yours faithfully, Harpreet Kaur.
Submitted by harpreet291kaur on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific details about the defect and how you discovered it, to enhance the completeness of your response.
task achievement
Ensure consistent use of formal expressions throughout your letter for improved task tone.
coherence cohesion
Try to maintain clear and separate paragraphs for each idea to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closure are appropriately formal, aligning well with the task requirement.
task achievement
The letter clearly mentions the product, the problem, and the desired outcome which effectively addresses the task requirements.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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