IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The government should make people responsible to protect the local environment. Do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It is widely acknowledged that citizens should take responsibility to protect their local
environment
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there are several understandable reasons behind
such
Linking Words
 assertions, I still contend that the government should do more to protect the
environment
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, some people's lifestyles have detrimental effects on the
environment
Use synonyms
. First of all, individuals emit a large amount of carbon dioxide in their daily lives.
For example
Linking Words
, when they drive their private vehicles frequently, they produce more greenhouse gases, which may intensify global warming events.
As a result
Linking Words
, it would
affects
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
 other wild animals' habitats.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some factories tend to discharge waste into rivers. The main reason is that companies dump toxic substances into rivers to reduce their financial cost. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
this
Linking Words
 contaminated water may be consumed by marine animals, leading to serious diseases and death.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I certainly believe that the authorities have to adopt more methods to protect the
environment
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the government have more funds to invest in scientific research. When the authorities devote more time and money to conducting experiments, they can gain a comprehensive understanding
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
environment
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, they may have more opportunities to find solutions to the problems.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the authorities can set up stricter regulations to limit companies. Since these
manufactures
Replace the word
manufacturers
 may receive serious fines and closure if they violate environmental laws, they would follow regulations to avoid the punishment. By doing so, they can reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution effectively and efficiently. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 people may cause several negative impacts on the
environment
Use synonyms
, I firmly argue that the government should do more to address the issue.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main idea more clear in body paragraph 1. You say people should be responsible, but your second example is about factories. This sounds more like company or government control, not common people.
task response
Add one more direct reason why the government should be more responsible than people. This will make your answer stronger and more full.
task response
Use examples that match your point more closely. For example, for people, talk about litter, plastic use, or wasting water.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few parts feel a little sudden, especially when you move from people to factories.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection inside paragraphs. Some sentences can be shorter and more direct, so the reader can follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use referencing words carefully. For example, 'this', 'they', and 'it' should always clearly point to one idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep it through the essay.
task response
Most main points have support or an example.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words well, like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'To begin with', and 'Moreover'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • local environment = the area near where people live
  • take responsibility = accept the duty to do something
  • look after = protect and care for
  • litter = small pieces of trash left in public places
  • public awareness = what people know and understand
  • community spirit = a feeling of care and help in a local area
  • green habits = daily actions that help nature
  • recycling = using waste again in a new way
  • strict laws = strong rules that people must follow
  • public services = services such as waste collection and cleaning
  • shared responsibility = when two sides both have a duty
  • long-term change = change that lasts for many years
What to do next:
Look at other essays: