IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Prevention is better than cure – researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree?

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There is no denying the fact that prevention is more important than
treatment
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that spending more
time
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 exercising is better than going to the hospital for
treatment
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, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that spending
time
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 at the gym or in the garden is much better than only receiving
treatment
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 or taking medication.
To begin
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 with, taking care of yourself by investing in your health will reduce the
time
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 spent going to the clinic.
In other words
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, most of the
time
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, patients who visit the doctor need only to do exercises.
In addition
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, doing cardio or running long or short distances will cost less by not visiting the hospital.
For example
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, research shows that patients who did training and breathing exercises visited the hospital less than those who
depend
Wrong verb form
depended
show examples
 on medication only. Another point to consider is that society plays an important role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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lifestyle. It is
also
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 possible to say that doing exercises with a group helps people enjoy their
time
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 together.
Moreover
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, training with friends can make you more disciplined.
For instance
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, going to the gym with a group can
also
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 improve your body and help you identify any weaknesses you have. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that prevention is much better than
treatment
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, and that people should only take medication or depend on a doctor’s diagnosis when truly necessary.

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task response
Answer the full question more directly. The task asks about money for disease study and treatment, but your essay talks more about exercise and health habits.
task response
Show your opinion in a clearer way from the start and keep it the same all through the essay.
task response
Add one more main idea about why prevention can save public money or reduce disease in the long term.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic more closely, such as clean water, vaccines, food rules, or health checks.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more smoothly. Some sentences repeat the idea of exercise but do not fully connect to the main question.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one clear point, then explain it, then give one strong example.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, also, for example, and as a result.
task response
You give a clear opinion and you keep a similar view in the essay.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, which helps the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow in order.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proactive
  • preventive measures
  • lifestyle diseases
  • public health
  • healthcare expenditure
  • cost-effective
  • chronic conditions
  • early detection
  • immunization
  • health promotion
  • risk factors
  • non-communicable diseases
  • disease surveillance
  • preventive diagnostics
  • health literacy
  • universal healthcare
  • primary prevention
  • secondary prevention
  • tertiary prevention
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