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Band 5.5

The internet is an amazing invention which has changed the world. Many people use it everyday. Give the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

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The topic of the
internet
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 has been a crucial matter to
people
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 and policymakers.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that
this
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 trend entails various drawbacks, others maintain that it offers substantial benefits for society.
This
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 essay will explore both the advantages and disadvantages of the
internet
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. On the one hand , the
internet
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 has several advantages .
For example
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,
people
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 use the
internet
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 for communication .
Also
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, they can share their lives with family and friends by using social media applications.
As well as
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,
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apply
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 using emails has replaced letter writing .
Secondly
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, the
internet
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 is a great way to improve the level of education.
People
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 can find online courses for a vast array of topics.
Also
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, some
people
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 prefer online studying .
This
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 saves time and allows students to study anywhere .
Lastly
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 , the
internet
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 is perfect for entertainment .
People
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 use Youtube towatch movies or video clips .Kids spend countless hours online playing video games
which
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, which
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 they find entertaining and fun .
On the other hand
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 , the
internet
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 has some serious disadvantages.
People
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 use the
internet
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 for over six hours a day
which
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, which
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 leads to an increase in wasting time. They will be less social in real life and will focus on the
internet
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 . Kids could do better things with their time.
Also
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, there are some serious hackers on the
internet
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 . They can steal anybody's personal data and information and demand money from them . They can even hack bank accounts and steal money.
Finally
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, the
internet
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 is open for everyone to post and meet.
This
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 is a problem because far too
often
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often,
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 negative messages and pictures are posted.
This
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 can be embarrassing and lead to kids suffering from being bullied. It can cause serious effects on their lives . It might even lead to depression or possible suicide In conclusion, it is clear to see that the
internet
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 has benefited society in multiple ways with incredible advantages.
However
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, it must be noted that it
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also has
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has also
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 created some serious disadvantages.

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coherence cohesion
Write one clear idea in each part, then explain it a little more.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Do not put extra spaces before commas or full stops.
task achievement
Give one more clear example for each main point.
task achievement
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Make them more exact.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You answer both sides: advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Main points are easy to follow in most parts.
task achievement
You use relevant ideas like study, safety, and bullying.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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