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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts and table give information about the total value and sources of fish imported to the US between 1988 and 2000.

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The pie charts and the table
ilustrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
 the total value of the
fish
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import
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aad
Correct your spelling
and
 the main sources of
this
Linking Words
import
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the total value increased from 1988 to 2000. It rose from 6.57 to 8,52 in 1992, and to 10,72 in 2000. The percentage of
fish
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 imported to the US from different countries
vary
Correct subject-verb agreement
varies
show examples
 from one year to another. In
1988
Punctuation problem
1988,
show examples
 the highest
import
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 was from
Canada
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,
while
Linking Words
, in 1992 and 2000, first place went to others.
In addition
Linking Words
, China has always been second or third
regarding the
Change preposition
in terms of
show examples
fish
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Use synonyms
import
Check wording
imports
show examples
. Moving to a more detailed analysis,
Canada
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 had a downward trend, occupied 60 per
cent
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 of the
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import
Fix the agreement mistake
imports
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 in 1988, 34 per
cent
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 in 1992, and the smallest 28 per
cent
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 in 2000. In comparison, China had an
apward
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upward
 trend,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
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 from 13 per
cent
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, which was the lowest number.
Then
Linking Words
 grew to 20 per
cent
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 in 1992.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2000, it reached 30 per
cent
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 and
finally
Linking Words
 overcame
Canada
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. Others were
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second in 1988 (27 per
cent
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), but it increased to 47 per
cent
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 in 1992.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 number decreased to 42 per
cent
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 in 2000.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in 2000,
the others
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
fish
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import
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 still higher than in China or
Canada
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, import, canada, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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