It is the responsibility of individuals to save and provide for their own retirement. Governments have no obligation to provide this benefit. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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It is the

responsibility

Use synonyms

individuals

Use synonyms

to save and provide for their own

retirement

Use synonyms

Governments

Use synonyms

have no obligation to provide

this

Linking Words

benefit. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In an era of increasing life expectancy and rising public expenditure, the question of who should finance

retirement

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has become highly contentious.

While

Linking Words

some argue that

individuals

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alone should bear the

responsibility

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for securing their financial future after leaving the workforce, I strongly disagree.

Although

Linking Words

personal financial planning is essential,

governments

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have a fundamental obligation to ensure that older

citizens

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can live with dignity by providing at least a basic level of financial support. On the one hand,

individuals

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should make every reasonable effort to prepare for

retirement

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. Saving consistently throughout one's working life not only promotes financial independence but

also

Linking Words

reduces excessive reliance on public resources. Those who invest in pension schemes,

retirement

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accounts, or other long-term

savings

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plans are generally better equipped to maintain their desired standard of living after

retirement

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Furthermore

Linking Words

, encouraging personal

responsibility

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fosters prudent financial behaviour and helps

governments

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allocate public funds to other pressing priorities

such

Linking Words

as healthcare, education, and infrastructure.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it is both sensible and beneficial for

citizens

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to contribute significantly to their own

retirement

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security.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

governments

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cannot completely withdraw from

this

Linking Words

responsibility

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because not everyone has an equal opportunity to accumulate sufficient

savings

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. Many people experience prolonged unemployment, low wages, disability, or unexpected financial crises that prevent them from setting aside adequate funds. If

governments

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refused to provide pensions or social assistance, a large proportion of elderly people could fall into poverty despite having worked for decades.

This

Linking Words

would not only undermine their quality of life but

also

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increase social inequality and place additional pressure on charitable organisations and healthcare systems.

For example

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, countries

such

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as Sweden and the Netherlands operate comprehensive public pension schemes that significantly reduce old-age poverty

while

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complementing private

retirement

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savings

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. These systems demonstrate that government support and individual

responsibility

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can coexist effectively.

Moreover

Linking Words

, providing financial assistance to retired

citizens

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should be viewed not merely as an economic policy but

also

Linking Words

as a social contract. Throughout their working lives, people contribute to society by paying taxes, supporting economic growth, and financing public services. It is

therefore

Linking Words

reasonable to expect

governments

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to offer protection during old age, when many

individuals

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are no longer capable of earning a regular income.

Such

Linking Words

support reflects the principles of fairness, social solidarity, and human dignity upon which modern welfare states are built. In conclusion,

although

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individuals

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should take primary

responsibility

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for saving for

retirement

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governments

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should not abandon their duty to protect older

citizens

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from financial hardship. A balanced approach, combining personal

savings

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with a reliable public pension system, is the most equitable and sustainable way to ensure financial security and a dignified

retirement

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for all.

antikpaul86

Jun 28, 2026

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task response

For task response, your answer is very clear and you fully answer the question. To get the top band, you can add one more very clear example from real life or one short opposite view with a direct answer to it.

task response

For task response, your main idea is strong: people should save, but the state should still help. Keep this line clear in every body paragraph, as you did here.

coherence and cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow. Each paragraph has one main idea and the order is natural. This is a strong point.

coherence and cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, you use linking words well, but do not use too many in every essay. Simple links like 'first', 'however', 'for example', and 'in conclusion' are enough when the ideas are already clear.

coherence and cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, one small way to improve is to make one idea in paragraph 3 a little shorter, so the main point stands out even more.

task response

Task response: You answer the question fully and your position is clear from start to end.

task response

Task response: Your example about Sweden and the Netherlands fits the topic well and helps support your view.

coherence and cohesion

Coherence and cohesion: Your introduction and conclusion are both clear and strong.

coherence and cohesion

Coherence and cohesion: Your paragraphs are well grouped, and each one has a clear focus.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

465 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

retirement savings
financial planning
economic circumstances
government provision
basic state pension
financial independence
income disparities
aging populations
social safety net
tax burden
financial education
quality of life
personal financial responsibility
social inequality

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