IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today, both men and women need to work full time. Therefore, some people think men and women should share household task equally (e.g. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The society has
chaned grately
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changed greatly
 in recent years,
this
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 includes many aspects of our life.
This
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 alteration has made
working
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the work
 of both
men
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 and
women
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 necessary to survive. So
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, many individuals argue that both of them should
distripute
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distribute
 the household
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task between them
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 equally. I partially agree with
this
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 idea for the following reasons. First of all, for any organisation to be successful, there should be certain
Use synonyms
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 for each individual. I personally consider the family as an institution, therefor, there should be a clear
role
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 for each member. Here we are considering
men
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 and
women
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, as each of them should have
adefined
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a defined
role
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 in the family
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is
somtimes
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sometimes
 impossible to share the same
role
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 equally.
For instance
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, it may not sound normalfor a father to brestfeed a n infant. So
that
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apply
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, it is really fair for each member to participate in a
certin
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certain
task
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 which they can
achieve it
Verb problem
complete
show examples
 completely.
In addition
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, we should understand that
men
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usually are
Correct word order
are usually
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 provided with jobs that require
a
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apply
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longer working hours and
effort
Correct determiner usage
more effort
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 than
women
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.
For
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this
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 reason,
women
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 can
do
Verb problem
put in
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 more effort in cleaning and cooking since
men
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 have
tospent
Wrong verb form
to spend
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 more time at work. I can consider
this
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 compensation as a sharing of duties between them. Especially, when
men
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 are paying most of their
sallaries
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salaries
 to pay the rent,
electrecity expensess
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electricity expenses
 and other essential payments. In
cnonlution
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conclusion
, I would argue that sharing
responsbilities
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responsibilities
 between
men
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 and
women
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 is
crutial
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crucial
 for any family.
However
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, there should be a
ditinguish
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distinction
 between the
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task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 that can be achieved by
men
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 or
women
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. As each of them should have a different
role
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 which is suitable
with
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for
show examples
 their nature as male or female.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree, and keep this same view in all body parts.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are too general, so the reader wants more detail about why you think this.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic better. The breastfeeding example is clear, but it is only one small case and does not fully support your full opinion about house work.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part follow one clear main idea. This will help the essay feel more easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a smoother way. Some linking words are used in the wrong place, so the flow becomes weak.
coherence and cohesion
Develop each main point with a simple reason and one good example. This will make the argument stronger.
task response
You gave a clear opinion in the introduction and the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic structure with introduction, body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You tried to support your ideas with examples from family life and work.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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