Some people think that children are having to much free time and this time should be use to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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In
this
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modern era,
children
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have been doing different
activities
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to keep themselves active. Some individuals believe that
children
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are mostly free, and they should utilise that
time
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to study. I firmly disagree with
this
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notion, and my position is argued
further
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with an explanation.
Firstly
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,
children
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need to spend
time
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on physical
activities
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rather than on studies to keep themselves fit. To illustrate,
children
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who are mostly free need to play games physically in the ground, as these
activities
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will make them mentally and physically fit, by which they can focus more on their studies.
For instance
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, as per a recent report by the World Health Organisation, 80% of
children
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who do more outdoor
activities
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rather than studying all the
time
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are healthier and smarter in their lives.
Thus
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,
children
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should try to play games in their leisure
time
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.
Furthermore
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,
Children
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also
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need to spend their free
time
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with family members because
this
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will help them to become more socialised in their lives. To clarify, a study will never teach folks how to behave and live in society , but by spending
time
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with their elders , they will be able to learn faster.
For example
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic,
children
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's bonds with their family members became stronger, and they were
also
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able to learn social skills from their parents.
Thus
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, it is better for folks to spend their free
time
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with their parents. In conclusion,
although
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some people want
children
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to spend more
time
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on studies, physical
activities
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will make them mentally and physically fit, and
also
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they will be able to learn social skills from their parents during that free
time
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.

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task response
Answer the question more fully. You clearly say you disagree, but you can show the other side a little and explain why your view is stronger.
task response
Give deeper ideas. Your main points are clear, but some parts are a bit general and could be explained more.
task response
Use examples that feel more natural and direct. Some examples are good, but they can be shorter and more clearly linked to your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make some links smoother. Your essay has a clear order, but a few sentences feel long or repeated.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph and develop it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word links and punctuation, because they sometimes break the flow of reading.
task response
You answer the task and give a clear opinion from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are easy to follow and each paragraph has one clear focus.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, which helps your response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental effects
  • mental well-being
  • life skills
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • empathy
  • physical development
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • unstructured play
  • cognitive development
  • academic performance
  • fatigue
  • motivation
  • quality over quantity
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • well-rounded personality
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