IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people believe that courses like Art should be removed from the school. There is a belief that I.T. is more important and should be expanded. To what extent do you agree.

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Art
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
 has
been
Rephrase
always been
show examples
always
Correct determiner usage
an
show examples
 important
class
Use synonyms
 and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to express their talents.
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
show examples
other is an
Correct determiner usage
another
show examples
 idea
that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
art
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
 is not
important
Rephrase
as important
show examples
 as technology
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it should be taught more. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide evidence to support my opinion. I completely disagree that
art
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 should be removed. Because
art
Use synonyms
class
Use synonyms
 has many important things
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 help the
students
Use synonyms
 to draw what they want.
Students
Use synonyms
 sometimes have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hidden talents
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
also
Linking Words
 maybe one of them
Use synonyms
art
Verb problem
is art
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
art
Use synonyms
 can express their feelings by drawing what they feel in a
draw
Replace the word
drawing
. One of the famous
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 in history
Leonardo
Punctuation problem
, Leonardo
show examples
 da Vinci
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
draw
Wrong verb form
drew
show examples
 the Mona Lisa. It
tell
Correct subject-verb agreement
tells
show examples
 us that
art
Use synonyms
 is important and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 schools should focus
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 it.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 I completely agree that
I.T
Correct determiner usage
the I.T.
show examples
class
Use synonyms
 is important
Correct word order
, and should also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 should be
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
expanded. I.T
classes
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 important for the
students
Use synonyms
 because
Use synonyms
Computer is
Correct subject-verb agreement
computers are
show examples
 the future.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 about 80 to 90
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of jobs nowadays use
Use synonyms
computer
Check wording
computers
show examples
 in basic or
advance
Replace the word
advanced
 stuff. I think schools should take
Computer
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 more seriously and, every 3 to 5
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 bring new
Use synonyms
Computer
Check wording
computers
show examples
 and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 let the
students
Use synonyms
 learn in it.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 I believe schools should do a plan from elementary to middle school that every student should know how to do
they
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 basic stuff
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 all
hight
Correct your spelling
high
 school
students
Use synonyms
 should know how to
the
Verb problem
do the
show examples
advance
Replace the word
advanced
 stuff. In the conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that both
classes
Use synonyms
 are important and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 both should stay in school.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. You say you partly agree, but one body part says you completely disagree and the next says you completely agree. Keep one clear line.
task response
Add more support for each main idea. Explain why art helps students and why I.T. should grow with one more clear reason.
task response
Use a more direct example. The Leonardo da Vinci example is not fully linked to schools today.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a clearer order. Start each body part with one main point, then explain it, then give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but do not use too many. Words like however, also, because, and in conclusion should help the reader, not slow the reader down.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. Some sentences feel broken or repeat the same idea, so the flow is not always smooth.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic: art and I.T.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
Your main opinion is shown in the introduction and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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