IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

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We can agree that you can decide the way you earn money, for some people they like being
Use synonyms
business men
Correct your spelling
businessmen
 and working for
them self
Correct your spelling
themselves
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 the kind of individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 like working for a firm. We will be discussing both views in
this
Linking Words
 essay. First of all, working for yourself has many advantages, like the idea of not having some one above me, to be more clear you can be the boss of yourself, another idea is that you will be working for your own money not others, that can be a quick way to get rich, for instants my father used to be an employee,
then
Linking Words
 he quit and started his on
business
Use synonyms
, and he succeed. For
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
 I intend to do the same by opening my own coffee place.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
ther
Correct your spelling
there
 might be
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
negativity
Fix the agreement mistake
negatives
show examples
 in the
business
Use synonyms
 industry, like the risk in it, or the fact that it has no
guarentee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 like a company job. Being self-employee could affect you with
anixity
Correct your spelling
anxiety
, and would make
think
Correct pronoun usage
you think
show examples
 all day and not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 peace of mind,
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 there is a book that I read speaks about anixity and it says that
Use synonyms
business men
Correct your spelling
businessmen
 who
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not solve
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 thinking problems die at an average age of 46
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is
terraifing
Correct your spelling
terrifying
. In conclusion, to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-employed, you must have the right state of mind
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 not
any one
Correct your spelling
everyone
 can handle the pressure
, some crowd
Punctuation problem
. Some people
show examples
 are
ment
Correct your spelling
meant
 to be employed in a firm,
that when
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 they are at
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 finest.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say if the good points are more than the bad points, and keep this idea clear all through the essay.
task response
Give fuller ideas. Some points are named but not explained enough, so the reader wants more detail.
task response
Use examples in a more careful way. Your father example is helpful, but the book example feels weak and not fully linked to the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph easier to follow. Put one main idea first, then add support after it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way, such as first, also, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many commas. Shorter sentences will make your meaning clearer.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic, so the reader can see the good and bad points.
task response
You include personal examples, and this helps make your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphing is clear, with one paragraph for good points and one for bad points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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