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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts show rage devices people in the 18 to 25 age group use to watch television in Canada in two years

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The pie charts illustrate the proportions of
people
Use synonyms
 aged 18 to 25 who watched television on different devices in Canada in 2009 and 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was a significant change in these 10 years. In 2009, almost one-third of young
people
Use synonyms
 watched
TV
Use synonyms
 through Conventional
TVs
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 One-fifth of them watched it through Laptops, and nearly one-fifth of them watched it by using Desktop computer. Mobile phones were
also
Linking Words
 considerable devices to watch
TVs
Use synonyms
, there were 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 using them. Only few
people
Use synonyms
 watched
TVs
Use synonyms
 through Flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
 and Tablet, 8 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, in 2019, the proportion of pie chart changed.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, only 4 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 watched
TVs
Use synonyms
 trough a Conventional
TV
Use synonyms
; It dropped 30 percentage in 10 years. Another dramatic change was that there were 27 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 used flat-screen
TV
Use synonyms
 to watch
TV
Use synonyms
 shows which indicated that it grew 19 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in these years.
Same
Correct article usage
The same
show examples
 situation occurred in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tablet devices.
There were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
19 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of young individuals watched
Use synonyms
TVs
Check wording
TV
show examples
 through tablets.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, tv, tvs, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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