IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or are they just entertainment? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, typical talent shows among
people
Use synonyms
 have
been
Verb problem
become
show examples
 popular.
While
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
this
Linking Words
 kind of
shows
Fix the agreement mistake
show
show examples
 may
give
Verb problem
be
show examples
 beneficial for whom finding skilled individuals,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 still consider that it is just
entertainment
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective,
television
Use synonyms
medias
Check wording
media
show examples
 might actually want to attract skilled
person
Check wording
people
show examples
,
while
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 they
also
Linking Words
 obtain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
popularity from
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 shows
of them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In the beginning,
television
Use synonyms
 shows are related
with the
Change preposition
to
show examples
entertainment
Use synonyms
, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 joy
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the televised talent shows may truly give opportunity to
people
Use synonyms
 who have unique
skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
 that can be shown to
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
.
This
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 sort of breakthrough may highly affect the number of
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
 in
such
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 a region.
For example
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, there is a certain tv shows in my country that literally help children under the age to show their talents,
such
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 as dancing, singing, painting
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 so
ono
Correct your spelling
on
.
This
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actually
Verb problem
would actually
show examples
 be helpful for them because some local art industries may look after them and may give them an offering.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in fact, most
people
Use synonyms
 believe that these talent shows are just
entertainment
Use synonyms
, not more, because normally, all of
television
Use synonyms
 shows are
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
not real and pure
entertainment
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 do not believe
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how talented
people
Use synonyms
 are invited to the shows
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 is it true that they are actual
people
Use synonyms
 who need coverage from
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 industries. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
television
Correct article usage
the television
show examples
 industry may believe that they have
commitment
Correct article usage
a commitment
show examples
 to society, most
people
Use synonyms
 still consider that the talents are just
entertain
Wrong verb form
entertaining
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say if these shows are a good way to find talent, or mostly for fun, and keep this view all through the essay.
task response
Add more clear main ideas in each body part. Each part should have one strong point and then explain it well.
task response
Use a more exact example. Your example is on topic, but it needs more detail to show why your point is true.
coherence and cohesion
Make the order of ideas easier to follow. Some lines are hard to understand because the link from one idea to the next is weak.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words in the right way, like first, also, however, and so, to show the path of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check each sentence so it clearly connects to the one before it. This will help the essay read in a smooth way.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. This gives your essay a clear full shape.
task response
You try to discuss both sides of the question, which is good for the task.
task response
You give one real-life example from your country, and this helps support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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