IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some countries encourage foreign companies to open in their country. Many people think that the government should focus on encouraging local business rather than foreign businesses. To what extent do you agree?

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It is widely acknowledged that some nations provide many opportunities for international
companies
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 to commence
trade
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 in their
countries
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.
While
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 a significant number of the population believes that authorities ought to facilitate local business
owners
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, I strongly argue that governments must assist foreign
companies
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 in commencing
trade
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 because foreign
companies
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 can bring their know-how to these
countries
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.
This
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 essay will elaborate on my position with relevant arguments and examples. On the one hand, in today's highly competitive world, nations try to improve their
trade
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 capacity and skills that boost the economy, and global firms provide broad opportunities for
countries
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 to gain experience and knowledge.
This
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 is because international
companies
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 have extensive regulations and networks that
optimize
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optimise
show examples
 their
trade
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, which has given rise to
countries
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' know-how in
trade
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.
As a result
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,
this
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 knowledge creates significant value for
countries
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, enabling them to train their workforce and regulate their systems.
For instance
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, foreign
companies
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,
such
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 as Ford and Tesla, build many factories in Eastern Europe, where
countries
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 suffer from an excessive amount of accidents, enabling them to implement these foreign
companies
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' regulations to strengthen their health and safety legislation.
Therefore
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, foreign firms play an important role in developing know-how.
On the other hand
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, global firms attract many
people
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's attention to shop at their store, because they are able to spend an enormous amount of money
for
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on
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 advertising, which local business
owners
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 cannot afford.
In addition
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, the brand perception, fuelled by advertising on social media, triggers
people
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 to purchase more items from these international
companies
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.
As a result
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, local business
owners
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 shut down their stores
due to
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 low interest. To illustrate, international clothes
companies
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,
such
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 as Tommy Hilfiger and Lacoste, have many stores in some
countries
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, where
people
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 prefer purchasing from these stores rather than from local clothes
companies
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.
Hence
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, local
companies
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 cannot compete with these foreign
companies
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, leading them to find themselves in economic trouble. In conclusion,
while
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 some
people
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 believe that the government ought to support local
owners
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, I firmly maintain that nations can benefit from gaining experience in
trade
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 and strengthening their regulations.
This
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 is because these values are vital for their workforce and
trade
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 volume.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
task response
Add one more direct reason for why you agree, so your answer feels more full.
task response
Your second body part shows the other side well, but link it back more clearly to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Use shorter and simpler topic sentences to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but a few ideas move too fast. Add small steps between them.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same focus in one paragraph, and avoid very long sentences.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give a strong view.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words like 'On the one hand' and 'As a result' help the flow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • foreign companies
  • local business
  • government policies
  • investment
  • job opportunities
  • economic growth
  • sustainability
  • balance
  • attract
  • challenge
  • compete
  • large corporations
  • national identity
  • cultural heritage
  • technology
  • expertise
  • incentives
  • support
  • community
  • social cohesion
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