IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe team sports prepare children for working life. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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It is often
argue
Wrong verb form
argued
show examples
 that team
sports
Use synonyms
 can prepare
children
Use synonyms
 for professional
life
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that there factors more important for working
life
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, both views are equally important, but
sports
Use synonyms
 can build essential skills that
require
Wrong verb form
are required
show examples
 for professional success. On the one hand, it
believed
Verb problem
is believed
show examples
 by some
people
Use synonyms
 that team
sports
Use synonyms
 prepare young
people
Use synonyms
 for working
life
Use synonyms
. In fact,
sports
Use synonyms
 teach
children
Use synonyms
 important skills
such
Linking Words
 as discipline, communication, and teamwork.
Although
Linking Words
 academic degree and experience are important as well, you cannot argue the importance of
sports
Use synonyms
for a
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 long run. A study published by New York University in 2023 concluded that students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 participate in
sport
Check wording
sports
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 activities showed a significant success later in
life
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
sports
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 build essential skills that prepare
children
Use synonyms
 for
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
show examples
 career.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other
people
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 argue that physical activities like
sports
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 cannot prepare
children
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 for working
life
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.
In other words
Linking Words
, they claim that
academic
Correct article usage
an academic
show examples
 degree and experience in
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
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 field lead to
understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
show examples
 the working
life
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 more than
sports
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, without a high degree, you cannot prepare students for
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
 working environment.
As a result
Linking Words
, there are more important factors to prepare pupils for real working
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is believed by some
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sports
Correct word choice
that sports
show examples
 can easily prepare
children
Use synonyms
 for future jobs,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree and say that experience and knowledge are more important for working
life
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I believe that
sports
Use synonyms
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 how to cooperate with others and how to deal with pressure.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. The second side is short and not well developed.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way and keep it the same from start to end.
task response
Add one more clear example for each side to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some parts jump too fast from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Group similar ideas together so each paragraph has one main focus.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like however, on the one hand, on the other hand, therefore, and as a result.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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