IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas others think that they should concentrate only on those subjects that they find interesting and are best at. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is widely assumed that allocating equal time to all
subjects
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 is imperative.
However
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, others believe that focusing solely on the
subjects
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 in which teenagers excel is more beneficial.
This
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 essay will discuss both views before presenting my own opinion. Admittedly, balancing learning across different
subjects
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 is more advantageous than prioritising only one field of study, as learners can develop more comprehensively. When time is distributed evenly among all
subjects
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,
students
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 can absorb knowledge more effectively and improve their
overall
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 academic performance
accordingly
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.
Furthermore
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,
students
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 who study a wide range of
subjects
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 have greater flexibility when choosing their future majors.
Instead
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 of being limited to only a few options, they can pursue various fields
such
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 as literature, science, and mathematics.
For example
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,
students
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 with a broad educational background can choose majors related to journalism, data science, or the arts,
whereas
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 those who focus solely on science may have fewer academic options.
On the other hand
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, those who concentrate on studying a single field are likely to become more competitive and achieve a higher level of expertise. In today's society, specialisation plays a crucial role in many industries because employers increasingly demand highly skilled professionals.
As a result
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, generalists may fail to meet these requirements
due to
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 their insufficient expertise.
Therefore
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, specialising in one subject can provide
students
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 with a competitive advantage in their future careers. In conclusion, both approaches have their own merits.
While
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 allocating equal time to all
subjects
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 enables
students
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 to develop comprehensively and enjoy greater academic flexibility, focusing on their strengths allows them to achieve a higher level of expertise.In my opinion, I think that studying across the board is a better choice, as it ensures the
overall
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 development in every
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subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject,
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 which enhances the comprehensiveness in study.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. The side about focus on strong subjects needs a bit more detail.
task response
Your opinion is clear, but explain it more in the last part with one more reason.
task response
Use one more clear example to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but some linking is a little basic. Try to vary link words.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last sentence cleaner. There is a small grammar problem, and it affects flow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph and develop it step by step.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
task response
Your ideas are mostly clear and relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is good and helps the reader follow your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • interdisciplinary
  • well-rounded knowledge
  • specialized skills
  • passion-driven learning
  • unforeseen future demands
  • balanced approach
  • academic strengths
  • diversified education
  • curriculum breadth
  • specialization
  • career prospects
  • personal development
  • cognitive flexibility
  • adaptability
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