IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

"Some people believe that the media should be strictly controlled to prevent false information, while others argue that freedom of the press is essential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion."

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Some people argue that
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 can cause a harmful effect on society and should be controlled in order to diminish risks.
However
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 my perspective
media
Use synonyms
 and press must be fully independent and describe a real situation.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are compelling reasons why
media
Use synonyms
 independence is so
significat
Correct your spelling
significant
 to society. Independent
media
Use synonyms
 play a key role in describing
real
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
 situation without any propaganda,
wherease
Correct your spelling
whereas
 sources controlled by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 usually try to prevent negative information from
sharing
Wrong verb form
being shared
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it might lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global hardships regarding social awareness.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
even can
Correct word order
can even
show examples
 create a harmful influence on people's lives.
For example
Linking Words
, the Soviet Union did not talk about the explosion on atomic station in 1986, which turn a massive
ilnesses
Correct your spelling
illnesses
 and
deads
Use the right word
deaths
show examples
 among the population. As people did not know about
such
Linking Words
 a
devastateng
Correct your spelling
devastating
 accident, they spent time
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 nature and
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 affected by radiation. Another reason why strict
media
Use synonyms
 control is a
bed
Use the right word
bad
show examples
 idea is the internet.
This
Linking Words
 global web goes through every phone, laptop, and computer. The
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of sites and
web-platforms
Correct your spelling
web platforms
 is nearly endless. In
this
Linking Words
 case,
aquiring of
Change preposition
acquiring
show examples
 actions in order to reduce the amount of information from independent
media
Use synonyms
 is just throwing money on air. A clear example of
this
Linking Words
 is North
Corea
Correct your spelling
Korea
, where all information
is go
Wrong verb form
goes
show examples
 through the government. Despite
this
Linking Words
 fact, citizens
still are
Correct word order
are still
show examples
 able to find
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real data about political issues and other things.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that fully independent
media
Use synonyms
 are
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
show examples
 part of our society, which is needed to understand the whole picture of
political
Correct article usage
the political
show examples
 and social state.

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task response
Write about both sides. Your essay mostly supports free press, but it does not fully explain why some people want strong control of media.
task response
Add one full body paragraph for the other view. This will make your answer more complete and more balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear at the start of each paragraph. This helps the reader follow your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some links are not natural, and a few sentences do not connect smoothly.
task response
Support each main point with a short clear reason, then one example. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one topic in each paragraph. Do not mix too many ideas in one part.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear ending.
task response
Your opinion is easy to see from the start.
task response
You use real examples, like the Soviet Union and North Korea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a simple paragraph structure that is easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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