IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is no denying the fact that theatres and cinemas are not important anymore, so
people
Use synonyms
 can watch any entertainment they want online,
while
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 it is a commonly held belief that
people
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 say the cinemas and theatres are not significant anymore, as individuals can watch anything they want on the internet, there is aslo an argument that the cinemas are still important for the
people
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,
this
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 essay will analyse the topic from both point of view and express my opinion. On one hand, many
people
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 say the
cinema
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 is not important and they prefer to watch movies on
home
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 with there family,
In other words
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, they do not want to spend money on the
movie
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 as they can watch it free online,
in addition
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, they do not care about
cinema
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 atmosphere, some
people
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 prefer
home
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 atmosphere,
for example
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, they feel comfortable at
home
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 and they do not like the noise on the
cinema
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 and a huge screen, these individuals like to watch
movie
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 on quit place and on tiny screen to focus about the topic of the film.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 say that the
cinema
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 are still significant and they do not like to watch the movies on there apartment, It is possible to say that they like to go to the
cinema
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 and watch
movie
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instead
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 watch it on
home
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,
Moreover
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, they feel bored if they watch
movie
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 at
home
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, it is makes them feel happier to go to the
cinema
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 with there friends,
For instance
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, going to the
cinema
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 change there mood if they have a bad day or they feel tired after long day in job, it makes them more comfortable and reduce the stress if they have. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
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However
Fix capitalization
however
show examples
, I tend to believe that the
cinema
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 still important
due to
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 the
cinema
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 atmosphere are amazing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I like it.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Give a fair view of why online watching is good and why cinemas still matter.
task response
Make your opinion clear from the start and keep it the same through the essay.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. Your examples now are very general.
coherence and cohesion
Write shorter sentences. Some long sentences are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple way. Use words like First, Also, However, and For example correctly.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each paragraph has one main idea and that each next sentence supports it.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as On one hand, On the other hand, Moreover, and For instance.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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