Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in theprimary school classroom?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →

The increasing

pressence

Correct your spelling

presence

of elementary

schools

Use synonyms

fuss over

Wrong verb form

focusing

show examples

on academic learning has become a

noticable phonmenon

Correct your spelling

noticeable phenomenon

all over the world.

While

Linking Words

some may disagree with that point , from my perspective, focusing too much on formal learning is inappropriate, and it is vital for children to focus on academic studying and learning. I totally agree

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

that primary

schools

Use synonyms

focus too much on formal learning. In

mordern

Correct your spelling

modern

society, many primary

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

indeed prioritise academic

performence

Correct your spelling

performance

over children’s natural development, leading to over-intensive formal learning. In order to achieve great exam rankings, many primary

schools

Use synonyms

incite students to

study

Use synonyms

hard

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

directly

cause

Correct subject-verb agreement

causes

show examples

learning burnout and health problems,

such

Linking Words

as wearing thick glasses

Correct word choice

and

show examples

staying up late. These behaviours reduce students’ curiosity about the world, and limit their development of practical and social skills,

furthermore

Linking Words

, making more nerds

instead

Linking Words

of people who can really contribute to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. In my opinion, mixing play with formal

study

Use synonyms

in primary classrooms can

make

Verb problem

have

show examples

great significance in multiple ways. For individuals, play-based activities

such

Linking Words

as role-plays and educational puzzles can turn abstract knowledge into graphic experiences, making it easier for children to

underestand

Correct your spelling

understand

what they

learnt

Correct your spelling

learned

However

Linking Words

, it may

also

Linking Words

lead to students playing too much to concentrate on their academic

Use synonyms

study

Check wording

studies

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

, group play

encourage

Correct subject-verb agreement

encourages

show examples

kids to communicate, negotiate and cooperate with each other, cultivating their teamwork skills that

textboook

Correct your spelling

textbook

learning can hardly foster. From a

border

Replace the word

broader

social level,

this

Linking Words

can help improve students’ psychological health, and increase health rates in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

some primary

schools

Use synonyms

do focus too much on formal learning,

such

Linking Words

education still has essential value. Play should be combined with classroom

study

Use synonyms

, as it supports children’s full-fledged skills development.

chunyanh502

Jul 3, 2026

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Answer both parts more clearly. Say how much you agree, and then say very clearly why play is important.

task response

Your main ideas are good, but some are not fully explained. Add one more clear reason in each body paragraph.

task response

Use examples that are more clear and real. For example, show how a game helps a child learn math or words.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences do not link well. Use simple links like 'First', 'Also', 'For example', and 'As a result'.

coherence and cohesion

Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Do not change direction in the middle of the paragraph.

task response

You answer both questions in the task.

task response

You give clear ideas about study pressure and the value of play.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

The body paragraphs follow a logical order.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

282 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?
Generally, manufacturing is necessary to meet the demand of consumers. However, In recent years, there has been a fact that the more convenience goods manufacturing develops, the more seriously the ecosystem is injured. This is because the factories emit so much toxic wastewater into the land and pollutants into the atmosphere during the manufacturing process, and these problems can be solved by adopting certain policies.
7.5
band
It is better for people to be unemployed than being employed with a job they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
it is presented that doing a career that people are interested in is more crucial than doing a job with no feeling of satisfaction, I do not agree with this view and strongly believe that employers incredibly need to do their jobs in an accurate way to meet their needs.
6
band
In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?n?
In a few years our cars and other methods of transport won't need drivers anymore and the passengers will be only humans travelling in automobiles. In this situation, I think that the benefits are stronger than the drawbacks.
7
band
Mrs Barrett,An english speaking woman who lives in your town, has advertised for someone to help her in her home for a few hours in a day next summer.Write a letter to mirs Barrett suggest how could you help her in her work. say why you like to do this job. when you will and not be will avaible.
I hope this letter finds you well. I recently came across your advertisement seeking assistance in your home for a few hours a day next summer, and I am eager to express my interest in the position.
6
band
Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others offer free entry. In my view, the benefits of free admission outweigh the drawbacks.
The educational value of museums and art galleries is paramount, yet the approach to admission fees varies. While free entry is ideal, it also comes with its own set of challenges. However, I believe that the advantages of free admission far outweigh the disadvantages.

Some people argue that primary schools focus too much on formal learning. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in theprimary school classroom?

The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

It is better for people to be unemployed than being employed with a job they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?n?

Mrs Barrett,An english speaking woman who lives in your town, has advertised for someone to help her in her home for a few hours in a day next summer.Write a letter to mirs Barrett suggest how could you help her in her work. say why you like to do this job. when you will and not be will avaible.

Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others offer free entry. In my view, the benefits of free admission outweigh the drawbacks.