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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the map below shows the development in Tarnagul, from 1900 to 2000

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The given map provides information about changes and improvements in one small
town
Use synonyms
 called Tarnagul, between 1900 and 200.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 many
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
show examples
. Some features were added,
such
Linking Words
 as park, market, and some fruit zones,
while
Linking Words
 some facilities were removed and shrank. Observing in detail, in 1900, there was a road and
river
Correct article usage
a river
show examples
, which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 located in the middle of the layout. North-west site of the map, the diary
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
took
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
place
Use synonyms
. There
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 some fruit areas, which were oranges and mandarins,
locating
Wrong verb form
located
show examples
 in
north
Correct article usage
the north
show examples
 and south, respectively. Between both of them, the
town
Use synonyms
 area was placed. Turning to 1950, the
place
Use synonyms
 of the river and road
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 unchanged.
There
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
 size of the
town
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
was
largened
Correct your spelling
enlarged
. Oranges was unchanges,
while
Linking Words
 the mandarin was changed to oranges. There was a largening in the size of the
diart
Correct your spelling
diet
, but it was changed to lemons and grapefruits. New facilities,
such
Linking Words
 as packing sheds was built
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in
east
Correct article usage
the east
show examples
. In 2000, the
place
Use synonyms
 which was used to orages
was
Verb problem
were held was
show examples
 stopped.
Use synonyms
Town
Correct article usage
The town
show examples
 area was
sharanked
Correct your spelling
ranked
. Lemons and grapefruits
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
opened a
place
Use synonyms
 for
wildlife
Correct article usage
a wildlife
show examples
 sanctuary. There was an
evolvement
Replace the word
evolution
,
such
Linking Words
 as
local
Correct article usage
a local
show examples
 museum, craft market, park, and shop, which
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
took
place
Use synonyms
 in east site of the layout.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, while".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words town, place with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "map" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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