IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government should protect culture. Therefore, some people believe that new buildings should be built in traditional style. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

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The issue of whether constructing tall buildings is the most effective way to solve the housing
shortage
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 for
people
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 who live in big cities has generated considerable
debates
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debate
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 in recent years.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
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 agree that tall
buiuldings
Correct your spelling
buildings
 have more rooms,thereby
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
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people
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's
houdsing need
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housing needs
.I believe that constructing
skyscraper
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a skyscraper
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 is not the best solution, and developing
a
Correct article usage
apply
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well-rounded city planning is far more important. It is true that more skyscrapers can relieve urban housing
shortage
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,because
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 can hold more residents without occupying extra land.
Howere
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However
,living in a skyscraper would be
inconvinient
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inconvenient
 if adequate supporting facilities were missing.
For instance
Linking Words
, elevators and fire safety can be costly for both residents and
government
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the government
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, living in a skyscraper can
also
Linking Words
 reduce
people
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's quality of life as they may feel isolated from nature and
less
Verb problem
have less
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 access to private outdoor space.
In contrast
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that developing a well-rounded city planning offers a more balanced and practical solution to the housing
shortage
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.Comprehensive urban planning can allocate urban resurces reasonable,which can include developing outskirts,where land is cheaper and more abundant.These new residential zones can be linked to central areas by efficient public transport,
alowing
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allowing
 residents to enjoy affordable housing without compromising their life quality.
Therefor
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Therefore
,more
people
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 would a growing number of
people
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 would choose to live in suburban areas,which can greatly reduce the housing
shortage
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 constructing more tall buildings to solve the housing
shotage
Correct your spelling
shortage
 in cities appears to have its merits,I strongly advocate
developing
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that developing
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 a comprehensive city planning is more effective as it
provde
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provides
 a
long term
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long-term
 approach.

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task response
Stay on the same topic from start to end. Your essay question is about new buildings in traditional style, but your essay talks about tall buildings and housing shortage.
task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly how much you agree or disagree, and keep this view in all body parts.
task response
Add ideas that match the topic, like culture, old style, local history, cost, and modern needs.
task response
Use one clear main idea in each body paragraph, then explain it and give one fitting example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link some sentences more smoothly. A few parts feel broken because of grammar and word form errors.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences match the essay question better. This will help the whole essay feel more united.
coherence and cohesion
Check linking words like 'therefore', 'however', and 'in contrast' and make sure each one fits the idea after it.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and the conclusion.
task response
You try to support your ideas with reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay uses paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as 'for instance', 'in addition', and 'in conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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