IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Government should protect culture. Therefore, some people believe that new buildings should be built in traditional style. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

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Given that culture should be protected by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
, constructing new buildings in a traditional
style
Use synonyms
 is agreed by some people.
However
Linking Words
, in my opinion, I do not totally support
this
Linking Words
 argument. Whether a new building should be built in a traditional
style
Use synonyms
 relies on its practical function and harmony
compared to
Change preposition
with
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 its surrounding environment.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it needs to think of the actual function
for
Change preposition
of
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 the new building. Nowadays, the development of AI pushes the construction of a large
amount
Check wording
number
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 of relevant technological facilities, including data and computing
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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. The structure of these facilities is strictly designed for an
optimized
Change the spelling
optimised
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 space to place the digital device and
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 heat dissipation,
while
Linking Words
 the traditional
style
Use synonyms
 decoration,
such
Linking Words
 as roofs or ceilings, may have a negative effect on the performance. In
this
Linking Words
 case,
traditional
Correct determiner usage
a traditional-style
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style
Use synonyms
 building may not meet the
requirement
Check wording
requirements
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 of the high-tech company. What’s more,
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
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 factor should be counted in when we consider the building
style
Use synonyms
, since the increasing cost generated by the building
style
Use synonyms
 may trigger a burden for the company.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the building
style
Use synonyms
 should be harmonious with the surrounding community. Imagine a scene, in a community with modern
sky-scrapers
Correct your spelling
skyscrapers
, if it would be a little bit weird when a
traditional
Correct your spelling
traditional-style
style
Use synonyms
 new building
situates
Wrong verb form
is situated
show examples
 between them. The appearance of buildings in a community should be harmonious, indicating that they do not conflict with each other.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when deciding the
style
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, the surrounding environment should be
counted in
Verb problem
considered
show examples
.

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task response
Make your main view more clear from the start. You say you do not totally support the idea, but you do not say how far you agree or disagree in a very direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Add a short conclusion. A clear ending will help show your final answer and make the essay feel complete.
task response
Develop each main point a bit more. The ideas are good, but some parts need one more step of explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some links are good, but a few lines sound a bit hard or not natural.
task response
Give one more clear example for the second body part. This will make your support stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear two-part structure with one main idea in each body part.
task response
You stay on the topic and give relevant reasons about use and place of buildings.
task response
The example about tech buildings helps explain your point in a clear way.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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