IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should reduce the amount of money spent on local environmental problems and instead increase funding for urgent and more threatening issues such as global warming. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is an ongoing debate about whether the authority must invest money on social environment or redirect funding to provide more money for the greenhouse effect that has a threatening influence on the planet. From my perspective, I agree government should advance investment in measures to reduce global warming rather than in social activities. On the one hand, global warming has a significant impact on the Earth.
Due to
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 the fact that
,
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apply
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 the greenhouse effect will cause more extreme weather conditions,
such
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 as flooding and drought, which may become more common and dangerous.
For instance
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, the growing world population will increase the demand for natural resources,
such
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 as plants and water.
Moreover
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, without these assets, there is no way to live.
As a result
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, we can expect bad climate conditions,
such
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 as sea levels to rise and high temperatures.
On the other hand
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, human activities have a negative effect on the environment.
For example
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, destroying wildlife habitats can lead to the extinction of many animal species.
In addition
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, cutting down enormous areas of rainforest has serious consequences for the ecosystem and disrupts the balance of nature.
As a result
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, many animals lose their homes and may become extinct. In my opinion, we should protect natural resources and animal life because they are important for the environment and future generations. In conclusion, I believe investing more money in urgent issues , especially for global warming, will keep our planet alive. The government should introduce laws to limit extinction and increase natural resources for a healthy planet.

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task response
Make your main answer more clear from the start. Say if you fully agree or only partly agree, and keep this same idea in all body parts.
task response
Write more about the exact question: local environmental problems versus global warming. Your essay talks about nature in general, but it does not compare the two sides enough.
task response
Give one or two clear and real examples. This will make your ideas stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Some main ideas need better support. For example, the point about population and natural resources is not fully linked to government spending.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end, which is good. Keep this simple structure.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Sometimes words like 'Due to the fact that' and 'As a result' do not fit well with the sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one clear point. The second paragraph moves from human actions to animals, but it does not clearly connect to the main question about money.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence connection. Some ideas jump too fast, so the reader must guess the link.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
task response
You use some cause and effect ideas, like weather change leading to floods and drought.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is short but clear, and it matches your main view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urgent issues
  • global warming
  • local environmental problems
  • funding
  • redirecting funds
  • broader environmental health
  • financial efficiency
  • return on investment
  • cost-effective
  • holistic approach
  • moral and ethical considerations
  • resource allocation
  • long-term consequences
  • short-term impacts
  • competing environmental concerns
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