The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent years, mobile

phones

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have

become

Wrong verb form

been

show examples

viewed as a transformative

communication

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tool.

While

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this

Linking Words

trend offers

convience

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convenience

and flexibility regarding work and

communication

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, it can

also

Linking Words

present a few medical and social

challanges

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challenges

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both the

advatanges

Correct your spelling

advantages

and threats to society before explaining why I believe the drawbacks can outweigh the benefits On the one hand, mobile

phones

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enables

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enable

show examples

more wide

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wider

range of

communication

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This

Linking Words

expecially

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especially

useful during periods of pandemic or

nation

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national

lockdowns that limit the range of in-person

communication

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For instance

Linking Words

, the

renowed

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renowned

global COVID-19 pandemic forced many workplaces and schools to lockdown, reducing

socilisation

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socialisation

However

Linking Words

, with the aid of mobile

phones

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communication

Use synonyms

became possible through text, calls and emails, where both students and employees were able to continue interacting with one another in a safe environment.

Additionally

Linking Words

, the practicality of

smart

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smartphones

phones

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enables employees to work from home and simultaneously

spending

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

quality

times

Check wording

time

show examples

with their loved ones, reducing the

developement

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development

burn out

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burnout

Nevertherless

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Nevertheless

, critics may argue that dependence on mobile

phones

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can lead to clinical conditions.

Nowdays

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Nowadays

younger

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the younger

show examples

generation spend majority of their time using their mobile

phones

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, simply for

entertaiment

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entertainment

rather than for business or

communication

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This

Linking Words

can lead to an increase in insecurity

steming

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stemming

from unrealistic social

expectation

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expectations

show examples

regarding

apperance

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appearance

Additionally

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, it can

also

Linking Words

amplify the risk of

cyber bullying

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cyberbullying

, exposure to

inappropiate conten

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inappropriate content

that can damage mental, physical and social well-being. In conclusion, I

belive

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believe

that the

practicallity

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practicality

of mobile

phones

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brings more disadvantages than advantages.

While

Linking Words

mobile

phones

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are a useful tool and innovative tool that can become a pillar for forming connection, it is extermly prone to misuse that can be prone to misuse and

also

Linking Words

be socially and medically harmful.

yuricho037

Jul 5, 2026

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task response

Answer both parts more clearly. Say what the social problems are, what the medical problems are, and then give a clear view on which side is stronger.

task response

Your main view changes a little. In body 1 you show strong good points, but in the end you say the bad points are stronger. Make this line more balanced and clearer from the start.

task response

Add one more direct example for the bad side, not only general ideas about young people and social media.

coherence and cohesion

Use topic sentences that match the question more closely. For example, one paragraph for advantages, one for social and medical problems.

coherence and cohesion

Some links are good, but a few ideas move too fast. Add short linking phrases like 'as a result', 'for this reason', and 'for example' to show cause and result.

coherence and cohesion

Check repetition in the last paragraph. You repeat 'misuse' and 'tool'. Try to say each idea once in a clean way.

coherence and cohesion

You have a clear essay shape with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

task response

You answer the full question and give your opinion.

task response

The COVID-19 example is relevant and helps support your point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

over-reliance
cyberbullying
screen time
data privacy
identity theft
financial fraud
eye strain
sleep disorders
chronic issues
productivity
notifications
validation
self-esteem

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