IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parent's absence. Discussion

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In our
days
Punctuation problem
days,
show examples
 many people struggle with their financial situation. Because
today
Check wording
today's
show examples
 economy has a
lack
Use synonyms
 of jobs
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 good salaries.
Therefore
Linking Words
 its caused by many crises in our world. That's why most
parents
Use synonyms
 try to keep their
children
Use synonyms
beneficial
Correct word choice
away
show examples
 from additional income. But on
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand its makes
kids
Use synonyms
 alone and lonely
while
Linking Words
 their
parents
Use synonyms
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
 give them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support and
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attention
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
. Because of that its primary focus of
parents
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
is to
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 be
Linking Words
besides
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their
kids
Use synonyms
 rather than pick career and
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 over their family. The main reason why
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 feels
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of support and
attention
Use synonyms
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it's
Correct pronoun usage
is
show examples
 the
presence
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trusted adults around them. They love and trust
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
most close people
Correct word order
people they are closest to
show examples
 on earth, their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Thats
Correct your spelling
That's
 why
kids
Use synonyms
 needs
presence
Use synonyms
 of their family at school concerts or
maby
Correct your spelling
maybe
 the performance of their child at
garden
Correct article usage
the garden
show examples
.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 they build strong and confident character in themselves
receiving
Punctuation problem
, receiving
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 enough
Use synonyms
parents
Replace the word
parental
attention
Use synonyms
. But if they are
not
Punctuation problem
not,
show examples
 they might be unconfident and unmotivated in their
life
Use synonyms
. Because loved
adult
Check wording
adults
show examples
 present gives them
warm
Replace the word
warmth
 and
improvement of
Replace the word
improves
 their character. When the adult around their newborns, they
grown
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 looking at their
parents
Use synonyms
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 adults
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
 no benefit for their
children
Use synonyms
 in working hard and making more money. At least one
Use synonyms
parents
Fix the agreement mistake
parent
show examples
 should stay with their
children
Use synonyms
. Since
there're
Correct your spelling
there's
 a
workhouse
Check wording
lot of work
show examples
 to do and helping them
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their homework
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 mostly
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 a mother because
Use synonyms
attention
Correct article usage
the attention
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 of mum is
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 1 thing in
life
Use synonyms
. Because your mom
build
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 your
characters
Check wording
character
show examples
 like loving , caring , being kind and understanding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
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 your dad involves not less fundamental stuff
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 your
life
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 mums
presence
Use synonyms
 is more important since she buld main path of your
life
Use synonyms
. But on the one hand youngster of your family can suffocate from
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of goods, like food
high-quality
Punctuation problem
, high-quality
show examples
 clothes and
moreover
Linking Words
 education.
Thats
Correct your spelling
That's
 why most of society might be forced to
work
Use synonyms
 more hours in
oreder
Correct your spelling
order
 to keep their family
happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
 and goods. If one of the
parents
Use synonyms
 will be busy all week and
40
Verb problem
work 40
show examples
 hours per week
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
wife
Correct article usage
the wife
show examples
 or husband
would manage
Wrong verb form
manages
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 not more than 2-3 days per week and
recive
Correct your spelling
receives
 good revenue
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 would be magnificent for their young family member.
Kids
Use synonyms
 can benefit from
this
Linking Words
 more and get
high quality
Correct your spelling
high-quality
 education and have
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
chilhood
Correct your spelling
childhood
. To achieve
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
parents
Punctuation problem
, parents
show examples
 must balance their
work
Use synonyms
 with their
children
Use synonyms
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 addition to
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 and giving them presnce of their loved
parents
Use synonyms
.
Children
Use synonyms
 receives not less benefits regarding good childcare, education and confidence in themselves. But
how
Correct word choice
no matter how
show examples
 much
parents
Use synonyms
 try
keep
Verb problem
to keep
show examples
 their financial balance
stable
Punctuation problem
stable,
show examples
 they can't give their chilhood their
children
Use synonyms
 deserved. So both
parents
Use synonyms
 must think about their decision That's why in
this
Linking Words
 economy
parents
Use synonyms
forced
Verb problem
are forced
show examples
Use synonyms
work
Verb problem
to work
show examples
 more and
sacrificing
Wrong verb form
sacrifice
show examples
 their
attention
Use synonyms
 for their
children
Use synonyms
, even though
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
 lives a little bit happier with additional income
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
. Both
parents
Use synonyms
 must think twice before deciding to
work
Use synonyms
. Because in their house they are
children
Use synonyms
 that's struggling with
Use synonyms
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of their
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
presence
Use synonyms

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task response
Task response: You answer both sides, but your main view is not always clear. State your position in a simple way in the introduction and keep it the same to the end.
task response
Task response: Some ideas are good, like money for food, clothes, and school, but they need more clear support. Give one simple real-life example for each main point.
task response
Task response: Avoid repeating the same idea about parents being away. Add one more different point, such as child care from grandparents or after-school help.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has paragraphs, which is good, but the order of ideas is sometimes hard to follow. Put one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use simple linking words well: first, also, however, for example, so, in conclusion. This will help the reader follow your thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are very long and mixed. Make shorter sentences. This will make your meaning much more clear.
task response
Task response: You discuss both views: extra money helps children, and lack of parent time can hurt children.
task response
Task response: You give relevant ideas about food, clothes, education, love, and support.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use a clear paragraph form with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You try to connect ideas with words like but, because, therefore, and on the other hand.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income households
  • standard of living
  • extra-curricular activities
  • private education
  • financial stability
  • independence
  • responsibility
  • emotional support
  • academic support
  • parental guidance
  • strain on family relationships
  • external caregivers
  • flexible working hours
  • work-from-home opportunities
  • quality time management
  • balanced approach
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