IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Developing countries require help offered by international organizations to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial aid is important. Others believe that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some people argue that financial
aid
Use synonyms
 plays a key role
regarding help
Change preposition
in helping
show examples
 to
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
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countries
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.
However
Linking Words
, from my perspective, there are compelling reasons why practical
aid
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 and
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advices
Check wording
advice
show examples
 are more significant.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, financial support has a large influence on
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
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 in developing
countries
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. Many
countries
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 are not able to cope with their problems because of the lack of funding, hard political or environmental situation, specific weather conditions, or other factors which stop their
developing
Replace the word
development
. As they cannot overcome these downsides on their own, they require financial help from international organisations in order to do
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
so
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 and enhance their country.
For example
Linking Words
, the European Union provided India with financial help regarding
building
Correct article usage
the building
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 of
sollar
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solar
 systems on the
roof
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roofs
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 of many houses.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, electricity, which was a problem before, became common in India. It indicates how crucial financial help
in
Verb problem
is in
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term
Check wording
terms
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 of supporting other
countries
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think that practical
aid
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 and
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advices
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advice
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 have a higher effect on development than financial help. International organisations and highly-developed
countries
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 have more experience in creating sustainable improvement
beause
Correct your spelling
because
 they have already developed
themeselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
. As they know how to boost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development, they have many people who
gained
Verb problem
have gained
show examples
 valuable knowledge in these spheres.
Consequently
Linking Words
, their
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advices
Check wording
advice
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 and participation would be
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 for developing
countries
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,
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 have no
such
Linking Words
 an important experience. A clear example of
this
Linking Words
 is Angola, where people were educated by international organisations
how
Change preposition
on how
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 to deal with
varios
Correct your spelling
various
 diseases and how to use computer technologies.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it indicates the
importane
Correct your spelling
importance
 of practical help to developing
countries
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I think that practical help and
Use synonyms
advices
Check wording
advice
show examples
 are more crucial than financial
aid
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 regarding support to developing
countries
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. You wrote both views, but the second side has more support than the first side.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in the introduction. You do this a little, but you can say it in a more direct way.
task response
Add one more clear detail to each example. This will make your ideas stronger and more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Some parts link well, but a few sentences feel long and not fully smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each sentence when possible. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the support for the first body paragraph as strong as the second one.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
The examples about India and Angola help support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphing is clear and easy to follow.
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