IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortages of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is commonly known that when you are placed in an awful
situation
Use synonyms
, you must accept it.
However
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, there is an argument that indicates that you should accept it and do nothing, there is
also
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 an opposing opinion
says
Correct pronoun usage
that says
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 that you should try
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 you succeed.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
will
Remove the redundancy
apply
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analyse both views and give my own point of view. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, it is good in some situations to accept a bad result.
In other words
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,
in
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on
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 some days
stress,
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, stress
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 and overthinking might lead
indivisuals
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individuals
 to madness, just because they did not accept their fate. When you are having some bad conditions, you must look
around
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for
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 the good things in life. For
instants
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instance
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, you might have a mid job
but
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, but
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 when you look around, you would find that
your
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you're
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 healthy, you have a beautiful family. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 people
that
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who
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 are hoping for 10% of your life
and
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, and
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 you are not happy.
On the other hand
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, when you accept a bad
situation
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, you must not overthink the
situation
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 and get so stressed out
,
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;
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 just try
and
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to
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 improve it. Because when
your
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you're
show examples
 at the
bottom
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bottom,
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 you would have nothing to lose. I read a book that says accept the worst
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then
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, then
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 try to improve it. Having the mindset to always be positive and try hard without complaining and feeling bad
it
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apply
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is what would make you succeed. In conclusion, it is good to accept a tough
situation
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. But
i
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I
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 am seeing that you should not stop after that, what you do after is what is gonna decide your future. Trying to improve
tour
Use the right word
your
show examples
 self without thinking about the consequences is going to make you a lot better.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but the first side needs more clear support.
task response
Give your own opinion more clearly and earlier. Say your view in the introduction and keep it clear in the body.
task response
Use one strong example for each side. Your example about family is helpful, but it needs to link more clearly to the main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, reason, example, result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some ideas repeat, and some sentences join in a confusing way.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph focus. The second body paragraph starts with accepting the bad situation, but then it moves to improving it very fast.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your own opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, such as on one hand, on the other hand, and in conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pragmatic approach
  • mental peace
  • stoic attitude
  • proactive measures
  • personal growth
  • financial management
  • sense of accomplishment
  • resignation
  • helplessness
  • stress and burnout
  • fatalism
  • collective well-being
  • self-determination
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