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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays parents are sending their children to trips abroad for educational purpose. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it?

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With globalisation developing, a mounting number of parents are sending their
children
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 abroad to broaden their
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
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 and experience various cultures. Some argue that at
such
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 a young age, the security, thinking mode and economy should be taken into account,
whereas
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 there are others who point out that global trips have a significant influence on
children
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's growth,
such
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 as goal making, mind opening and social ability enhancement. On one hand, as for the problem of security, living in a foreign environment, childern has no idea what to do to protect themselves in an incident. It is stupid to change life for education.
Furthermore
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, at the stage of forming the right and positive value,
children
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 is easy to be influenced by some passive and unsafe mindset and habits without the oversight from parents. At the same time, with the economy
depressing
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depressed
, there is little value going abroad, the harvest of which is not equal to the cost.
On the other hand
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, abroad trips witness some advantages. First and foremost, trips to high-end museums, tipping college and magnificent natural spots will bring strong power to kids, activating them to think about their goals, which enlightens the hearts of
children
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. Meanwhile, diverse cultures, living habits and different clothing styles can open a novel window for
children
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's world bring a pack of changes and thinking to kids.
Last
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 but not least, in a multi-cultural environment,
children
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 have the chance to learn how to communicate with people with different cultural backgrounds, which lays a solid foundation for their career competence in the future. Education is an important thing that needs different and diverse resources , which
abroad travels have the power to
Correct word order
travel abroad can help
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 realise. Though a number of shortbacks, there are still lots of advantages. Whether sending
children
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 abroad is an essential problem for a family. The economy, safety and thinking should all be put into consideration.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. Write clear good points and bad points, then say your view clearly at the end.
task response
Add one or two simple real examples to support your main ideas.
task response
Some ideas are not fully clear. Use short clear sentences and explain one idea before you move to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Link some sentences more clearly. Use simple words like first, also, however, for example, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Some parts are hard to follow because the meaning is not always clear. Put one main idea in each sentence.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphing is clear and easy to see.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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