Children are now facing educational, social, and commercial pressure. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures can be taken to reduce them?

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There exists a phenomenon that
children
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become much more stressed than before
due to
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pressure
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coming from multiple domains, including education, social and commercial.
This
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essay will delve into the causes of
this
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trend before discussing possible solutions.
Initially
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, one of the main reasons that leads to the increasing
pressure
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on
children
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is the development of technology. As technology develops, both
children
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and adults obtain ample stimulation through exposure to information. These messages result in anxiety, which arises from comparison. Parents compare their
children
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with others and attempt to support the youngsters in better academic performance.
In addition
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,
children
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may compare what they have with what they see on social
media
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. The comparison pressures the two generations, especially the younger one, who is not mature enough to tackle the situation. To create a healthy environment for
children
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's mental well-being, adults and
children
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should consciously reduce the use of social
media
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.
Instead
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of spending time on social
media
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,
children
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and parents should spend more time on improving their communication, intending to alleviate
children
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's
pressure
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and cater to their needs. The support from family enables
children
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to gain a sense of security once they understand that they can be protected by their loved ones.
This
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encourages them to trust in themselves, leading to a relatively stable mental condition. In conclusion, modern society has been considerably influenced by social
media
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, contributing to high
pressure
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on
children
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's well-being.
Therefore
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, adults should pay attention to reducing the use of social
media
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and provide
children
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with an environment full of support.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain causes, but you give only one main cause and one main fix.
task response
Add one more clear cause, like school exams, parent hope, or ads for new things.
task response
Use more direct and real examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow, but body ideas are not fully balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like because, so, also, and however.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear opening and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are mostly easy to follow.
task response
You stay on the topic in all parts of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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