IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The proportion of expenditure by students, on average,at one university,in 2000 and 2010.

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The two pie charts compare the proportions of students’
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on seven different categories in 2000 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, food and drink consumed at home accounted for the largest share of students’ spending in both years,
while
Linking Words
 holidays remained the smallest category. The most significant change was the sharp decline in
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on clothing,
whereas
Linking Words
 spending on utilities and eating out increased. In 2000, students spent the highest proportion of their budget on food and drink at home (29%), followed by utilities (21%). Sports and cultural activities accounted for 17%,
while
Linking Words
 clothing represented 16%. Spending on transport and holidays was relatively low, at 8% and 5% respectively, and only 4% of students’
expenditure
Use synonyms
 was allocated to eating out. By 2010,
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on food and drink at home remained unchanged at 29%,
while
Linking Words
 spending on utilities rose noticeably to 27%. The proportion spent on eating out doubled to 8%, and transport increased slightly to 9%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on clothing fell dramatically from 16% to 5%. Meanwhile, spending on sports and cultural activities and holidays remained stable at 17% and 5%, respectively.

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task response
For task response, add one more short line in the overview about which parts went up and which went down the most.
task response
For task response, be very careful with small details like spaces after commas in the title and first line.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your order is clear, but you can group all rises together and all falls together to make the body even easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, use a few more linking words like while, in contrast, and meanwhile in a natural way.
task response
For task response, you cover all main parts of the charts and include key numbers.
task response
For task response, your overview is clear and shows the biggest changes.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each body part has good data support.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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