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Some expert believe that ia better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

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Some experts believe that learning a foreign
language
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 is better in elementary school than in secondary school. I think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages , and in
this
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 essay, I will explain why.
To begin
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 with, learning a foreign
language
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 is better for
children
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 to remember it.
Children
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 absorbinformation quickly because their brain is open to new explorations and not filled with complex school subjects, rules and other information.
Also
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,
children
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 have more free
time
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 and allocating some of it for studying
,
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apply
show examples
 may facilitate learning in the
future
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.
For example
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, when parents speak in multiple languages with their
children
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 at a young age, studies show that
children
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 will speak more than one
language
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.
Moreover
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, for billinguals studing become easier
due to
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 a larger understanding and perception of the world.
Consequently
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,
by
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apply
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giving
an
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children an
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 opportunity to study new languages
for
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will make it easier for them
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children
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, it will make it easier to continue studying in the
future
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.
On the contrary
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, learning a foreign
language
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 may negatively effect child's development. Without a persistent study of the
language
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 or without planning to learn it in the
future
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, it may distract them from necessary activities. Activities
such
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 as walking, running, working with their hands, playing with toys, and other physical movements are important to
children
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 to adapt their sensations. By
this
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,
children
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 can get introduced to the environment better.
Consequently
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, developing sensations are essential for
future
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 development ,
such
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 as speaking, listening, sensing, and concentration. Without it, it will be difficult for them to get an education;
therefore
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 , giving them
time
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 to be kids is important.
Although
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 it does not mean that they have to sit non-stop and learn a foreign
language
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,
this
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 means to wisely choose an activity for
children
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 without disturbing their childhood.
To conclude
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, allocating enough
time
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 to study a new
language
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 and giving
time
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 to play, it will be beneficial for kids' development in the
future
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. Making an investment to education of kids is important not only for parents, but
also
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 for the government.

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task response
Give a more clear answer all through the essay. You say the good side is stronger, but each body part should link back to this idea more clearly.
task response
Explain your bad side more directly. Show why this bad side is weaker than the good side.
task response
Use more specific examples. The part about parents speaking many languages is helpful, but one more clear example would make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Some sentences in body 2 move far from the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple clear words like first, also, however, as a result. Do not overuse long linking phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Make cause and result easier to follow. At times, the reader must work hard to see how one sentence leads to the next.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two body parts, and an ending.
task response
You try to support your ideas with reasons and one example.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion matches your main view and ends the essay clearly.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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