IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Developing countries require help offered by international organizations to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial aid is important. Others believe that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, the question of whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
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international
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
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 should prioritise financial support or
should more provide
Correct word order
provide more
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 practical
aids
Check wording
aid
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 for developing countries in terms of sustainable
development
Use synonyms
 has been widely debated.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 some argue
than
Correct word choice
that
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 financial aid can support in improving the quality of their
development
Use synonyms
, I believe the practical aids are far more beneficial, which will be discussed in
detal
Correct your spelling
detail
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, one of the
most
Correct word choice
main
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 benefits of providing financial
supports
Check wording
support
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 for
underdevelop
Replace the word
underdeveloped
 nations'
development
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct word choice
that
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 various opportunities for improving public facilities
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 widely opened. Some challenges of
such
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 nations
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the limitation of resources they have for enhancing the quality and
widespreading
Use the right word
spreading
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 the
development
Use synonyms
. Acquiring some funds from international
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
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 will
benefit
Verb problem
enable
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 them to address challenges in physical
development
Use synonyms
,
such
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 as education, health care, and environmental degradation.
For example
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,
World
Correct article usage
the World
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 Health
Organization
Change the spelling
Organisation
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 (WHO) made a program for eliminating malaria in Papua, Indonesia in 2020, which was providing a fund for erecting 2 hospitals in the remote regencies.
Consequently
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, the percentage of affected people was reduced significantly
due to
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 the availability of the treatment.
On the other hand
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, the practical supports are
also
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 vital for the developing countries, as they
also
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 have limitations to conduct some inclusive and
sustainble
Correct your spelling
sustainable
 programs. The major challenges of enhancing the quality of medical treatment are the management
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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Linking Words
as well as
Correct word choice
and
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 the human resources.
That is
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 why the practical supports,
such
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 as training, shared knowledge, and assistence are
also
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 essential for the long-term run.
For instance
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, Indonesia could not produce a vaccine in the middle of
pandemic
Correct article usage
the pandemic
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, resulting in
Correct article usage
a
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high number of
death only
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deaths
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 in
short
Correct article usage
a short
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months
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time
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,
then
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WHO
Correct article usage
the WHO
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 conducted some training and assisted the medics
for
Change preposition
in the
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 research
in
Change preposition
on
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 the production of
vaccine
Correct article usage
the vaccine
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.
As a result
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,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 was able to manage the situation by providing wider access to
vaccine
Correct article usage
the vaccine
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.
To sum up
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,
although
Linking Words
 financial
aids
Check wording
aid
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 from the worldwide
organization
Change the spelling
organisation
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 can bring equality for physical
development
Use synonyms
, practical supports lead to independent management and
more
Verb problem
is more
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 effective for viable
development
Use synonyms
, which is far more beneficial for
underdevelop
Replace the word
underdeveloped
 countries in the long run.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You do this, but each side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in all main parts, not only in the start and end.
task response
Use examples that are more exact and easy to trust. Some examples now feel too general or not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Check linking words. Some are used well, but some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word form mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each body paragraph, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use shorter sentences sometimes. This will make your meaning clearer.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly easy to follow.
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