IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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In many countries,
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 becoming prevalent for
people
Use synonyms
suffery
Correct your spelling
suffering
 from
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 caused ilnesses. Some believe that the best way to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem is
increase
Verb problem
to increase
show examples
 the
tax
Use synonyms
 on
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 solution as
tax
Use synonyms
 will be effective to reduce
consumption
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 of
those
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 kind of
food
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 and promote
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
 lifestyle. Imposing
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
tax
Use synonyms
 on
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is believed to be effective to reduce the
consumption
Use synonyms
of it
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. Because
people
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generally
Verb problem
are generally
show examples
 looking for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more affordable
food
Use synonyms
. When the price of
food
Use synonyms
 becomes more expensive,
people
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 may not buy the
food
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 as
frequent
Replace the word
frequently
 as before.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Singapore, the government apply a strict
tax
Use synonyms
 on sugar-sweetened drinks to tackle the rising number of diabetes
.
Check wording
cases.
show examples
 Consequences, the increased of those
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 forces citizens to switch to healthier alternatives.
Hence
Linking Words
, raising taxation on fast
food
Use synonyms
 is a highly practical strategy to discourage
people
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 from consuming
them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, making fast
food
Use synonyms
 more expensive
indireclty
Correct your spelling
indirectly
 forces
people
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 to adopt healthier daily habits. When dining out on unhealthy restaurant becomes a financial burden,
people
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considering
Wrong verb form
consider starting
show examples
 to start preparing their own
food
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 at home. Cooking meals independently allows
people
Use synonyms
 to have full control over their ingredients, significantly lowering their daily
consumption
Use synonyms
 of excess salt and sugar.
For example
Linking Words
, a family that usually buys fast
food
Use synonyms
 for their breakfast might switch to grocery shopping and cooking healthy
food
Use synonyms
 simply to save money.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
finanical
Correct your spelling
financial
 pressure from
such
Linking Words
 taxes affected society into better
food
Use synonyms
 and a
more healthy
Replace the word
healthier
 lifestyle. In
conlussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I completely agree that imposing a
highter
Correct your spelling
higher
tax
Use synonyms
 on
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 essential step to tackle
ilnesses
Correct your spelling
illnesses
 caused by
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
show examples
 policies effectively lower the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 by making
them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
show examples
 less affordable, and
also
Linking Words
 indirectly
encourgaes
Correct your spelling
encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to adopt
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
 lifestyle,
such
Linking Words
 as cooking their own
food
Use synonyms
ath
Correct your spelling
at
 home.

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task response
For task response, keep your main answer clear in all parts. You agree, and this is clear, but some ideas need more full support.
task response
Add one more clear reason or explain your examples more. This will make your answer feel more complete.
task response
Be careful with word form and sentence form because some lines are hard to follow. This can hide your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, 2 body parts, and conclusion. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some links are good, but a few sentences do not flow well from one to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Check each sentence to make sure the subject and verb are clear. This will help the reader follow your points more easily.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly say that you agree.
task response
Your two main ideas are on topic: lower fast food use and help people live in a more healthy way.
task response
You give examples, like Singapore and a family cooking at home. This helps support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because it has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, which helps the reader understand your plan.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overconsumption
  • Chronic diseases
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Cardiovascular health
  • Sin tax
  • Subsidize
  • Affordability
  • Nutritional awareness
  • Paternalism
  • Socio-economic disparities
  • Industry lobbying
  • Public health initiatives
  • Consumer behavior
  • Regulatory measures
  • Health-conscious
  • Processed foods
  • Fiscal policy
  • Preventative healthcare
  • Behavioral economics
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