Some people belive that technology has improved communication, while other think that it has made people in less social. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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With the advancement of
technology
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nowadays, many
people
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use digital
devices
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in their daily lives
including
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, including
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for communication. Some believe that it has improved the way
people
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communicate.
However
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, some argue that it makes
people
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more individualistic.
Although
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technology
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may make
people
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have less interaction in real life, it enables
people
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to communicate in real
time
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that
technology
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has a positive impact on the way
people
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communicate. On the one hand,
people
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who think
technology
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improves communication argue that it allows us to connect in real
time
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, so distance no longer matters. In the past, communicating with someone far away took a long
time
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. In any case, now the internet and smart
devices
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have made it instant and very easy.
For instance
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, a student studying abroad can easily make a video call with their parents back home every day using applications like WhatsApp.
Thus
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,
it is clear that
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digital
devices
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has
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have
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made maintaining
long distance
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long-distance
relationships much better.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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argue that
technology
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makes individuals less social because it reduces
face to face
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face-to-face
interaction in real life.
This
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happens because many
people
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spend too much
time
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focusing on their
devices
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rather than talking to other
people
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around them.
For example
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, it is general to see a group of friends hanging out in a cafe, but
instead
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of talking to each other, they are all busy playing or scrolling through their smartphones.
Hence
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,
this
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habit makes
poeple
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people
ignore their surroundings and become more individualistic. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
techmology
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technology
has a positive effect on human communication.
This
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is because digital
devices
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allows
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allow
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us to connect to each other in real
time
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, making physical distance no longer
problems
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a problem
show examples
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more full way. You did this, but you can add one more key idea for each side.
task response
Give a more direct opinion in the middle and keep it strong to the end.
task response
Use examples with a bit more detail so your ideas feel more strong and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make some links between ideas smoother. A few parts feel a little simple or repeated.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and small grammar points because they can make meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences and then explain each point step by step.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion clearly.
task response
Your examples are on topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part stays on one main idea, so the essay is easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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