IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people belive that advertising has a strong effect on a person's decision-making process. Other people believe that it has little or no real impact. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Marketing has become one of the most crucial assets for business owners, companies, and people
attending
Verb problem
looking
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 to
start-up
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start up
 their ideas recently. It is inevitable to point out that
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
 for enterprises' products within the market shares a remarkable proportion of expenditures to become popular, uphold sales, and stay in the competition.
However
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, there are a lot of opinions
whether
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on whether
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this
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 is
requisite
Correct word choice
necessary
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 to affect the minds of customers.
Firstly
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, buyers has right to choose any item
according to
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 their needs. One way to be paid attention
among
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to among
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 vast options is visible and clear advertising. It is a fact that the feeling of uniqueness and privilege is what we look for when it comes to
spend
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spending
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 money on demands.
Hence
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, smart and creative advertising of brands stimulates our decisions by continuing a pure impact on brains and carrying
right
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the right
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 message to differentiate from others.
On the other hand
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, some customers follow only their usual habits. Their shopping preferences
are
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have been
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 identical for many years
:
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.
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 They tend to head out
the
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to the
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 same stores and markets every time, which are affordable.
Moreover
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, they are quite
knowledgable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
 to be aware
of
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apply
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that personal and housing economy come with
an
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apply
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effective budgeting
so
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, so
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 that they define advertising
a
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as a
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trap for money-wasting, which leads to
unimportance
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the unimportance
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 of
the
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apply
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marketing for them.
To sum up
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, I believe that advertising must be done
by
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in
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 a clever and minimalistic way by using boards and public spaces in towns so that we as customers only
then
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 have the opportunity to evaluate our requirements and develop or change our
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
 with the right products.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but your own view is not very clear all the way through.
task response
Add one clear example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Explain your ideas more simply and directly. Some lines are hard to follow, so the main meaning is not always clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph. This helps the reader know your main point at once.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more natural way. Some words like 'Firstly', 'On the other hand', and 'Hence' are good, but some sentences still feel disconnected.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph and develop it step by step. This will improve flow and make the essay easier to read.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words to move from one idea to the next.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer awareness
  • targeted marketing
  • emotional appeal
  • impulsive purchases
  • pervasive
  • brand loyalty
  • perceived needs
  • discerning consumer
  • information overload
  • ad fatigue
  • skepticism
  • persuasive elements
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