IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

**At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.** **Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?**

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Today
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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quaintity
Correct your spelling
quantity
 of young adults
overwigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
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 older
people
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.
As a result
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,
this
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 can play a good role in the age of a nation and in developing our
technology
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,
while
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 it could be a negative influence on
features
Correct article usage
the features
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 of countries. In my view,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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of
Change preposition
in
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 the population of
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation is more beneficial.
Threre
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There
 is a risk that
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
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 generation may "forget" about events,
celebratoins
Correct your spelling
celebrations
, and unique things that older
people
Use synonyms
 used to do. If older adults do not always remind teenagers to stick to the traditions, at least to celebrate national events, our culture can disappear. The main reason why they must do it is that it is the only thing that makes countries unique or special.
For example
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, even at my
school
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school,
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 I see how students are disgusted when teachers give them tasks related to our traditions,
such
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 as games and so on. In the digital
age
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age,
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 it is clearly visible how young
people
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 dominate the older
one
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generation
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 in
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
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 of gadgets and other
technology
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. Nowadays
as
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, as
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soons
Correct your spelling
soon
 as children
they
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apply
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are
born
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born,
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 they quickly get used to phones or tablets, so we can make a conclusion that if they know about technologies in their early years, they will
defenitely
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definitely
 investigate
this
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 field more and more properly and
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 it much faster than we do
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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now. In conclusion, the
people
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 may rapidly develop in
technology
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 as its main positive point,
while
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,
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apply
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 most countries are likely to lose their uniqueness because of
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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 of traditions and culture. In my opinion, advantages prevail because nowadays
technology
Use synonyms
 and digital schemes are the most important aim for innovation.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly in each body part. Show clearly why the good side is stronger than the bad side.
task response
Add one more clear idea about the good side, such as jobs, the economy, or new energy, to make your answer more full.
task response
Use more specific examples. Your school example is good, but the technology part also needs a real example.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, reason, example, short result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully, such as first, however, for example, because, and therefore. This will make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are too general or jump too fast. Explain them one step more so the reader can follow easily.
task response
You answer both sides and give your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use an example from school, which helps support your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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