IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In recent years, there has been a significant increase in the consumption of processed and fast food worldwide. Why is this so? What effect does it have on the individual and the society?

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Nowadays, Fast
food
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 and processed industries have
been
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apply
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increased rapidly all over the world.
People
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 are significantly consuming fast
food
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 and
process
Replace the word
processed
food
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.
This
Linking Words
 is increasing because of having less
time
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 for exercise and availablity of processed
food
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 and
junk
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food
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is increasing
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health
Correct article usage
the health
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 risk and spending
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 amount of money on public
healthcare
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
analyze
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analyse
show examples
this
Linking Words
 underlying reason and outline the detrimental impacts on both
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
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 and society. The underlying reason behind
this
Linking Words
 behaviour is that
individuals
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 do not have enough
time
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 to cook their
meal
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meals
show examples
. They are allocated with their busy schedule
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as jobs, businesses and taking care of their kids.
As a result
Linking Words
, they rely on processed and fast
food
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is much easier to purchase
junk
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food
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rather
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apply
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than
cooking
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to cook
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. It saves meal preparation
time
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 and
enegry
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energy
. Same as for processed
food
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is convenient for buying from
supermarket
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a supermarket
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.
For example
Linking Words
, the European
people
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 mostly
prefers
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prefer
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 fast
food
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 and processed
food
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 as they believe
,
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apply
show examples
 it saves their
time
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 and they can focus on their work and other activities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Junk
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food
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 and processed
food
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 often cheaper compared to
grocery
Check wording
groceries
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.
Individuals
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 can save more money on
this
Linking Words
.
Thus
Linking Words
, there is a significant increase in the consumption of ready-made and
junk
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food
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. Turning to the consequences,
this
Linking Words
 trend breeds severe
issues
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 for both
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
show examples
 and the wider community. First of all,
people
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 experience substantial
health
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issues
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while
Linking Words
 consuming
junk
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food
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 and processed
food
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. It increases not only blood pressure but
also
Linking Words
 diabetes. Most of the
time
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people
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does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not have sufficient
time
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 for doing exercise.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they experience obesity
and
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, and
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 it directly affects
on
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apply
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their
health
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
individuals
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 from Texas
city
Capitalize the proper name
City
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,
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apply
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 spend
their
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apply
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half of the day in a
restaurent
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restaurant
. They barely get
time
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 for cooking and
excercise
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exercise
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
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 have severe
health
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issues
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 which lead them to spend
substantial
Correct article usage
a substantial
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 amount of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
health
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issues
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the wider community suffer significantly
for
Change preposition
from
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 consuming fast
food
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 and processed
food
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. Government spend huge amount on public
healthcare
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. The cost of the
treatement
Correct your spelling
treatment
also
Linking Words
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 as a huge number of
people
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 consume fast
food
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity is increasing significantly all over the world
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the expenses of
healthcare
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 are increasing compared to the past. In conclusion, the consumption of
junk
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food
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 and processed
food
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 is increasing
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of their
availablity
Correct your spelling
availability
 and poor
time
Use synonyms
 management for
individuals
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 causing significant
health
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 risks and putting pressure on
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system.

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task response
Answer all parts more fully. You explain why people eat this food, but the effect on society needs a bit more depth.
task response
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. Start with one clear point, then explain it, then give one strong example.
task response
Examples should be more exact and natural. Some examples sound too general, so they do not strongly support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Linking is often clear, but some sentences do not flow well because of grammar and word form mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one topic in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, money is added at the end, which makes the focus less clear.
task response
You answer both questions in the task: reasons and effects.
task response
Your main position is clear from the introduction and stays the same through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow overall because ideas are grouped into paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words like 'as a result', 'in addition', and 'moreover' to connect ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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