IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should provide funding for arts . Others, however, believe that the money should be spend public health and education. Discuss both view and give you are own opinion.

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There is a debate about whether the government should allocate
money
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 to different fields. When some think that it is essential to spend the
money
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 on
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, others believe that the
money
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 should provide funding for public
health
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 and
education
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views , and I will provide my opinion on why spending
money
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 on public
health
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 and
education
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 is more important. On the one hand, allocating
money
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 to
art
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 would
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a positive effect on society.
Art
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 may come as
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
way
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 of self-expression for many
people
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; they may attend to prohibitions to reflect, think, and relax by reading
art
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.
Consequently
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, the fewer
people
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 who are stressed , and
there is another
Correct word order
the more there are ways
show examples
way
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 of releasing anxiety, the less crime rate will be.
For example
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, creating quiet
art
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 spaces might change
people
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's attitude towards the environment, because if many
people
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 tend to cope with difficulties in
life
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, other
people
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 will
also
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 start behaving the same
way
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.
Therefore
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, allocating
money
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 is a great
way
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 to deal with crime.
On the other hand
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, spending
money
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 on public
health
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 and
education
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 is impactful for society for many reasons. Providing free
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health-care
Correct your spelling
health care
 and
education
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 makes the process of living easier for
people
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, because many
people
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 with a low social background can not afford them
and
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, and
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 they live from paycheck to paycheck
,
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;
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 meanwhile
removing
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, removing
show examples
 stress about it
,
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apply
show examples
 could make their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 easier.
Besides
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 that, giving access to free
education
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 and
health
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-care, would increase the employees qualification,
due to
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 the reason that they are able to focus on their skills, rather than focusing solely on earning
money
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.
For instance
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, Dania shows the happiest
people
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 on earth, because they have free
education
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 not only for schoolers, but
also
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 for bachelor's degree as well, and free
health
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-care programs not only for residents, but
also
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 for immigrants, which is why
people
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 are satisfied living there.
Therefore
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, the more the government take the responsibility for many fields which may bring financial burden, the
more
Correct word order
happier people will be
show examples
people
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 will be happier. In my opinion, allocating
money
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 to
education
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 and
health
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 care is
way
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 more important because they are fundamental needs for society. Giving access to science development and getting treatment for free
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 helps a lot for residents live more easily.
For example
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,
people
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 in the USA try to avoid hospitals because the paycheck may be equal to their yearly income, which makes their
life
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 impossible to handle
due to
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big
Correct article usage
the big
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 debt. It shows that
instead
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 of caring about the generation that creates our world, capitalism wins
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 human
life
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 becomes miserable.
To sum up
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 everything, allocating
money
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 to
art
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 is
also
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 important, but as long as
people
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 are not able to pay attention to the
art
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with low-literacy
Change preposition
due to low literacy
show examples
 or being sick, it becomes nothing.
Therefore
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, covering basic needs is
a
Rephrase
much
show examples
way
Use synonyms
 more important in government interests.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. The art side is shorter and less clear than the health and education side.
task response
Make your main ideas more direct. Some ideas are hard to follow, so the reader may not fully see your point.
task response
Use examples that are clear and true to your point. Some examples now feel weak or not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each body paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and natural way. Some lines now feel too long or mixed together.
coherence and cohesion
Check cause and result ideas. In some places, the result does not fully come from the point before it.
task response
You answer the full question and give your own view clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, body paragraphs, and a closing.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas in each side.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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