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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. This was not so in the past. What may be the root cause of this behaviour? Discuss the reasons and possible results.

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In recent decades,
cosmetics
Correct article usage
the cosmetics
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 industry has grown tremendously.
This
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 is because of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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 demand
of
Change preposition
for
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beauty
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products
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 by both men and women.
People
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 invest in several
beauty
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care
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products
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 to look presentable and young. In previous ages,
people
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were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
prioritised
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health, but nowadays
this
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 trend has changed.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that looking good is not a priority, others believe that
skin
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care
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 should be the
everdays
Correct your spelling
everyday
 routine.
This
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 change is
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media, advertising, and human behaviour. Individuals of any gender like to look picture perfect in any attire. Fresh look attracts new
people
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, new
opprtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
, positivity.
Firstly
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, many advertising and social media
post
Fix the agreement mistake
posts
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 influenced
to
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apply
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young generations to invest in their physique and looks, and for that they have introduced many
skin
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care
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products
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.
People
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 watch them and feel like they will
also
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 become like an actor or model after using that face cream or makeup.
Furthermore
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, human behaviour is
also
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 responsible for
this
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 trend. Many individuals want to look better than others to get more attention.
People
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 want to look ageless in old age. Buying
skin
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care
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products
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 is not the issue, but
to use
Wrong verb form
using
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 them in
excessive
Correct article usage
an excessive
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 manner without proper consultation will harm the individual's health,
skin
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, and
self confidence
Correct your spelling
self-confidence
. To overcome
this
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,
people
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 should consult with highly qualified dermatologists
,
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apply
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 and
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according
Punctuation problem
, according
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 to their
skin
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 type, should buy
skin
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products
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.
Moreover
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, there are some ancient home remedies that will be
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 to enhance the
beauty
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. Men and women both can use them and improve their
skin
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 texture without any side effects.
Hence
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, spending on
skin
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care
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products
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not a wrong gesture
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 using them without knowing the
consequenses
Correct your spelling
consequences
 will surely harm your
skin
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 and your pocket. As there are numerous
beauty
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products
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 in the market
but
Correct word choice
,
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 choosing the right one is the real smart deal.
Apart from
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this
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, using natural ingredients will definitely
beneficial
Verb problem
be beneficial
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 for
skin
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, health
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, as
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as well as
Correct word choice
and
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 it will save your money.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully: causes and results.
task response
Give one or two clear examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your main idea clear in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple clear words like because, so, and however.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same point about skin care and looks.
task response
You answer the topic and give some causes.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • media influence
  • idealized beauty standards
  • disposable income
  • economic prosperity
  • technological advancements
  • beauty products and services
  • cultural shifts
  • social contexts
  • personal health and wellness
  • self-care routines
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