IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with help problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development ?

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A new approach has been noticed among the people suffering from various physical ailments
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 they are shifting towards
non traditional
Correct your spelling
non-traditional
 procedures,
instead
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 of regular medical
visit
Check wording
visits
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 to a health professional. I partially agree with
this
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 trend. If discussing pros,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern medicine is based upon experimentation, and it is a fact that it is a
hit and trial
Check wording
hit-and-miss
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 method. After performing a test,
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then only
Rephrase
apply
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a remedy can be recommended.
This
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 process can take
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 time.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 in
a
Correct article usage
an
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 alternative procedure, a problem can be detected faster
and
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, and
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 the process to rectify the issue can be initiated. The best example
for
Change preposition
of
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this
Linking Words
 method is from German asthma treatment methodology. The patients with breathing issues are asked to spend a week in
pine
Correct article usage
a pine
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 forest ,
and
Capitalize the word
And
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 after the stay, participating individuals feel their lungs are as young as when they were not suffering from the disease. These treatments only give positive outcomes when they are performed by
the
Correct article usage
an
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 expert
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; otherwise
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otherwise
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otherwise,
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 there can be serious negative impacts too.
On the contrary
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 side,
When
Fix capitalization
when
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 people try to go for
different
Correct article usage
a different
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 approach for
treatment
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treatment,
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 they suffer and have to go back to the doctor. In a recent survey,
majority
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the majority
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 of
population
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the population
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 trusts the certified doctor as compared to a 'shaman'.The anatomy reports
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
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 designated time
but
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, but
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 the figures are accurate. After the results are in hand,
certified
Correct article usage
a certified
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 health expert can start a treatment immediately. Many people have been fooled by conmen, who were promised that they
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 be cured without any medical drugs.
To conclude
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, one must choose the traditional way of cure,
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however
Correct word choice
apply
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when there seems to be no
way
Check wording
apply
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alternative
medicine
Punctuation problem
, medicine
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 should
also
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 be tried.

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task response
Give a clearer answer from the start. Say if this trend is mainly good or mainly bad, and keep this view all through the essay.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are good, but they need one more step: why is this good or bad for people?
task response
Use examples that are more direct and easy to trust. One example is given, but it feels a bit unclear and not fully proved.
coherence and cohesion
Make your paragraph order smoother. The essay has a basic plan, but some sentences jump too fast from one idea to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words like 'however', 'on the contrary side', and 'to conclude' are helpful, but some are not used in the best place.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will help the reader follow your points more easily.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion, which is important for task response.
task response
You include both sides of the topic, so the essay feels balanced.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used, which helps the essay move forward.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicine
  • medical treatment
  • usual doctor
  • serious illness
  • proper care
  • side effects
  • natural remedy
  • health problem
  • qualified doctor
  • medical test
  • waste money
  • lose time
  • pain relief
  • mental stress
  • sleep problem
  • safe treatment
  • modern medicine
  • public health
  • personal choice
  • get worse
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